This is a tie with a Porpoise. It is a whale of a tie! The jokes don’t work in text. It is all in the delivery…
Thursday’s tie was picked out by Sammy. He ran into the room just as I was finishing ironing. I tried to tell him that I didn’t know he was coming to help me and I had already picked a tie to go with the shirt that I ironed.
This sent him off the deep end. I was suddenly the worst father ever. As I tried to appease him by saying that he could pick a tie for my next tie wearing day, he angrily stomped out of the room.
I chased him down saying that he could pick a tie for me to wear, but it needed to match the clothes I had prepared for the day. I was picturing a day wearing the lost Christmas tie with large candy canes and little Christmas trees that I had somehow missed wearing during the holiday season. I hoped that I could smooth things over with him and wear a tie that was close to matching.
The anger written on his face was something I hadn’t seen since the time I was 17 and drove the family car way over the lease agreement mileage limit (it is not my fault my parents left the keys with an irresponsible young person when they went out of town for long periods of time). I talked Sam into coming back to “Tie World,” and as his 6 year old anger bubbled over he slapped at the ties as if to say, “All of these ties are crap, and you sir, disgust me!”
Settling on this World Wildlife Fund tie with porpoises and killer whales, he held it up to me like it was his favorite toy that I had crushed with my big, stupid adult shoes. Looking over his shoulder as he left me holding my whale tie, he cut his eyes at me as if to say, “Learn your lesson old man; there better not be a next time.”