So far I have discussed my change of philosophy, regarding instructional technology, like it was as simple as turning on a switch. It has been anything but easy. I have had to place personal relationships with adults after my professional responsibilities to my students. It is not like I have huge social life. I am a father of 3 young children and my prospects for adult relationships are limited. A loss of any relationship is something that I will miss.
On a personal level, I consider the people I work with to be my closest of friends. Many of them attended my wedding 11 years ago. I know their husbands, I have seen their children grow up, I know their favorite football teams, and I know about their trials and tribulations. I am afraid that my new approach to my job may impact those relationships. I hope not.
I am not trying to be mean to anyone, but I have to make a stand for what is right for the students. It has been hard so far. I have had to say things like, "No." That has always been impossible for me. I feel myself bracing everyday for the confrontation that is to come. I feel like I have a giant target painted on my shirt. This is not completely different from the past in that I have always felt like a target. The difference is now I will not try to soften the impact. I will not avoid the arrows. If someone wants to debate the role of technology in instruction and the teachers place in the equation, I will tell them what they should be doing and in such a way that is not open to interpretation.
It would be a mistake for anyone to think that I enjoy this new position I have taken. From a personal standpoint, I don’t enjoy it at all. Professionally, I believe in what I am doing, but I am angry at myself for being so blind in the past. I am afraid I will lose my friends. I want everyone to be happy with me. There are many doubts and questions that keep bouncing around my head. Who am I responsible for serving? Isn’t it the students first? If I know something is wrong, should I do it just to make others happy? Isn’t it a sin to do something you know is wrong? If hell is any hotter than the labs were this week without AC, I don’t want any part of it.
I really don’t know how it will all turn out. They say that you can’t bake your cake and eat it too. I guess that means that I can’t do what I believe in professionally, and keep all of my personal relationships intact. I have made my choice. When all else fails, my dog will still like me.
Next- The Future