Tuesday, January 15, 2008

What do lawmakers really do?

I must admit that I am not a particularly political person, I have political positions, but more often than not, they really do not align with any particular party. I do not trust politicians and I often question the motives behind their actions.

I say this because Lionell Spruill, a Virginia Delegate representing Chesapeake, has proposed a bill to ban the dangling synthetic male parts (don't look if you are easily offended) that often adorn trucks. This bothers me on many levels.

I think this is a complete waste of time. Don't we have real laws that need to be proposed? Aren't there other problems that need to be solved?

I am big of the first amendment rights. Isn't this an infringement of free speech? If this accessory is banned, then what's next? The urinating picture of Calvin (once again, if you get the idea and are easily offended- don't look) over various icons (Chevy, Ford, Cowboys, etc.)? Or perhaps, curse words on bumper stickers? While I will be the first to admit that these are classless car decorations, they do add a bit of flavor to life, and give me something to talk about while I am out and about with my children. The slippery slope (I realize that this is typically not a valid argument, but legal precedence can, at the very least, take years and a lot of court time to undo) to thought crimes isn't as far as you might think.

The part that bothers me the most is that if this bill is passed and these offensive, anatomically correct, bull parts are banned from the back of trucks in the state of Virginia, I will lose a ton of my favorite comedy material. For me, there is nothing like driving down the road and hollering to the the back seat, "Hey kids, look! There's a male truck!" This is enormously funny to me because they don't get it. Sure, I borrowed the line from "The Three Amigos," but I tweaked it so that I could feel like I owed it. My wife always groans when I do it, but she appreciates good comedy, she has just heard the joke before.

Every once in a while, I will threaten to get a set for my vehicle- to the horror of my wife. I enjoy the fact that she is so opposed to it and it cracks me up to imagine something like that behind the family minivan. I would love to hook up a pair and see how long it takes her to notice.

But, all of that fun will be over if Mr. Spruill has his way. Maybe he is just mad because he got kicked off the cool House Appropriations Committee and he is trying to attract attention and feel important again.

I am just curious, but I wonder if his car could benefit from a new accessory? You know, they do come in solid metal forms and a master lock would securely attach the offending male parts to his vehicle. If only I were younger and more carefree, and hadn't given away my ninja suit...

Updated Jan. 16th- I am ahead of the local newspaper! This is obviously an important issue.

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