Monday, December 15, 2008

Ninja-Like Reflexes

It is important for me to say that I am against anyone throwing anything at the President. Now that I have said that, I think the video that came out today of the shoe throwing Iraqi is incredible, and in some ways very funny, for a few reasons.

1.) President Bush is standing maybe 20 feet away from the attacker in this video, in a completely relaxed stance, just doing his normal Head of State thing, when this guy whips off his shoe and chucks it at about 90 miles and hour. The aim was precisely for the center of Bush's face yet he slipped it easily. Awesome! Did he have special ninja training to prepare for the job?

2.) Then the second shoe comes and it is within 5 inches of the first throw! Wow! It is really hard to throw a shoe accurately, and within 3 seconds, the second shoe was heading to the same spot! I have been throwing shoes around the house all day, and I can tell you for a fact that is hard to do. Did this guy take lessons? How do you get that good at throwing shoes? It must take a lot of practice time. I mean, seriously, you would have to wear the same shoes all the time to be that consistently good. A different shoe would require a different grip, and it would have different aerodynamic properties. There are just a large number of factors that come together to make me believe the attacker was at least the best shoe thrower on his block.

The speed that he got both of his shoes off and threw them, incredible! He was like Clint Eastwood. He fired both rounds before anyone in the room except Bush could move.

3.) Was the Secret Service on a smoke break? In the movies these guys react like lightning to any threat, and then shot and kill people. How did they miss this? Maybe this was only a minor attack and the President, by rule, must take this one on his own or something- hence the previously mentioned Ninja training. After a couple of guys did jump on the shoe thrower, you see a secret service man comes over to Bush and he waves him off like, "I got this one. My momma throws a shoe harder than that." The secret service guy was a little late after all.

Maybe there is some sort of threat protocol; for bombs- we cover the president with our bodies, for guns- the guy closest to the president covers him with his body everybody else shoots the guy with the gun, for knives- we get in the way of the attacker and shoot him till he stops moving, for a shoe attack we ???? Maybe no one has ever thought that a shoe could be hurled with such ferocity and accuracy. The split second it took to process what was happening, then running through the protocols and finding nothing, left them paralyzed. I am pretty sure there are some secret agents getting grilled over this attack. And maybe that is a good thing. I do not want anyone to hurt my President.

4.) Bush slipped the first shoe with ease but the second one was partially deflected by Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki while Bush was attempting to block the shoe as well. The total effect was that the shoe was harmlessly pushed out of the way. But if you look closely, it seems like Bush was trying to catch the shoe! How awesome would that have been if Bush caught the shoe and, still using his Ninja skills, immediately returned fire with the assailant’s weapon nailing him right between the eyes! I tell you right now it would have been the all time greatest YouTube video ever. I would pay money to own that!

5.) Every culture is entitled to have their own serious insults, and I am not making fun of that guy who threw the shoe or his culture, but does the insult count as much if you don't hit the target?

6.) I realize that this incident makes many people upset. Some people are upset with Bush. Some people are upset with the attacker. I am proud of Bush standing up and facing high velocity loafers at 20 feet. If he had been hit I would be angry at the attacker, angry at the Secret Service for failing to protect our leader, and angry at all of the movies that falsely depict the protection skills of the Secret Service. Instead, in my eyes, Bush saved the day.


fldowns said...

One time wife was writing on the chalkboard during a class she was teaching when a kid threw a paper airplane at her while her back was turned. She turned around, caught the airplane, and threw it back at the kid who had thrown it at her. Unfortunately, this was long before youtube or camera phones, so there's no record of this amazing feat, but it's still a pretty good story!

Al said...

When I was in 1st grade I had a teacher who would throw an eraser at your face if you were talking when she was at the board. One day I was chatting away when I got slammed in the kisser with an eraser and a cloud of dust flew in my face.
My Ninja skills to a while to develop, but I did learn not to talk in Mrs. Jefferson's class!