A few weeks ago I saw a email from ISTE (International Society for Technology in Education) about a digital storytelling contest they were having to celebrate their 30th anniversary.
When I first saw the description I immediately remembered my first technology Ah Ha! moment, and it stuck with me. For the next two weeks, I could not get the idea out of my head, so I had to make the video.
So here it is, my entry in the ISTE Digital Storytelling contest-
Special thanks to VSTE for linking to the video on the News section of the site!
No matter what, I had fun making the video...
:-)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
VSTE Island
Over the past 9 months I have been involved in setting up an island in Second Life for the Virginia Society for Technology in Education (VSTE). It has been a wonderful experience. I have met many new people, and expanded my technology and interpersonal skill sets.
But lately a couple of personal problems have popped up that have really been bothering me. You see, as a member of the group that has been involved in setting up this island, I am getting interviewed. By itself, that is not a concern.
I can talk in front of cameras and into audio recording devices, and sometimes I even almost sound like I know what is going on, which is nice. The issue is that I annoy myself. When I listen to myself, I think things like, "How many times can you say Um in a sentence? Idiot."
Perhaps I should have paid better attention in the public speaking class I had in college and not treated it like a joke. But really, how serious can you take a class that you can't fail? The only class that was easier was Weight Lifting. You record your progress and do an end of semester workout- A. In speech class, you stand at a podium and babble for the appropriate amount of time and you pass.
The interview that I gave for the VSTE Podcast Edge (Warning- if you try to download the video- it is very large! Patience...) really hammered home the fact that I am a "Nose Breather," or NB as I now refer to this affliction. This interview was done in Second Life and I was using a headset with a mic while the interviewer was recording a movie with his screen capture software.
I first figured out that I had this problem when I was doing some screen capture video clips for a Second Life video on Jamestown. Knowing I had this problem, I tried to breathe through my mouth in the interview, but I can still hear it.
I find my own NBing very annoying. The funny thing is that I have never really noticed anyone else doing it, so discovering that it was a problem, and thinking that I was the only one who had it, was very troublesome. I think I really started NBing after I stopped smoking. I found that I could actually breathe out of my nose and so I must have figured that it was something I wanted to get really good at. I breathe in before I speak- that is when the issue is most pronounced. So, it goes like this- deep breath in through the nose, with maybe a little whistle, then, "Yes, I like to go walking with my dog...."
I think my on camera skills are much better only because I can't hear the NBing. But just barely... I was interviewed on the local VBTV show- Access Virginia Beach (Under the embedded Windows Media File click- View Specific Segments for this video, and Click #12). In this segment I tried to suppress my natural head bobbing movements and facial expressions and ended up looking like I was about to fall asleep.
Over acting comes natural to me. Behaving normally does not, and when I try to be normal, people ask me if something is wrong. I can be the fool, but can I be Mr. Serious? Doesn't seem that way.
Recently, I was interviewed for a group of ITRT's in the western part of Virginia in Second Life. Since I am the member of a group, I tried to participate and answer one or two questions, but for the most part I tried to stay quiet. I just hid behind my avatar and and used the back channeling of the chat window. I felt like this one went better but I did not see it from the interviewer's perspective.
The most remarkable thing of all is that anyone would actually care about what I have to say. My children listen when I say, "Let's go get a Slurpee!" And my dog hears me when I say, "Wanna go for a run?" That it is pretty much it.
I am not used to saying things that are important to others... Maybe I should practice saying important things and then I won't annoy myself any longer. Probably not!
Fortunately, it seems like interview time is finished for me. While I would rather work on speaking like Captain Kirk, I think I just need to learn to breathe in through my mouth and try to act like a more normalized version of myself. Maybe I can channel the emotionless Data from Star Trek who fakes emotions to fit in with people. Or, I could just stay away from recording devices when someone wants the serious me and say things like, "I have no comment at this time."
But lately a couple of personal problems have popped up that have really been bothering me. You see, as a member of the group that has been involved in setting up this island, I am getting interviewed. By itself, that is not a concern.
I can talk in front of cameras and into audio recording devices, and sometimes I even almost sound like I know what is going on, which is nice. The issue is that I annoy myself. When I listen to myself, I think things like, "How many times can you say Um in a sentence? Idiot."
Perhaps I should have paid better attention in the public speaking class I had in college and not treated it like a joke. But really, how serious can you take a class that you can't fail? The only class that was easier was Weight Lifting. You record your progress and do an end of semester workout- A. In speech class, you stand at a podium and babble for the appropriate amount of time and you pass.
The interview that I gave for the VSTE Podcast Edge (Warning- if you try to download the video- it is very large! Patience...) really hammered home the fact that I am a "Nose Breather," or NB as I now refer to this affliction. This interview was done in Second Life and I was using a headset with a mic while the interviewer was recording a movie with his screen capture software.
I first figured out that I had this problem when I was doing some screen capture video clips for a Second Life video on Jamestown. Knowing I had this problem, I tried to breathe through my mouth in the interview, but I can still hear it.
I find my own NBing very annoying. The funny thing is that I have never really noticed anyone else doing it, so discovering that it was a problem, and thinking that I was the only one who had it, was very troublesome. I think I really started NBing after I stopped smoking. I found that I could actually breathe out of my nose and so I must have figured that it was something I wanted to get really good at. I breathe in before I speak- that is when the issue is most pronounced. So, it goes like this- deep breath in through the nose, with maybe a little whistle, then, "Yes, I like to go walking with my dog...."
I think my on camera skills are much better only because I can't hear the NBing. But just barely... I was interviewed on the local VBTV show- Access Virginia Beach (Under the embedded Windows Media File click- View Specific Segments for this video, and Click #12). In this segment I tried to suppress my natural head bobbing movements and facial expressions and ended up looking like I was about to fall asleep.
Over acting comes natural to me. Behaving normally does not, and when I try to be normal, people ask me if something is wrong. I can be the fool, but can I be Mr. Serious? Doesn't seem that way.
Recently, I was interviewed for a group of ITRT's in the western part of Virginia in Second Life. Since I am the member of a group, I tried to participate and answer one or two questions, but for the most part I tried to stay quiet. I just hid behind my avatar and and used the back channeling of the chat window. I felt like this one went better but I did not see it from the interviewer's perspective.
The most remarkable thing of all is that anyone would actually care about what I have to say. My children listen when I say, "Let's go get a Slurpee!" And my dog hears me when I say, "Wanna go for a run?" That it is pretty much it.
I am not used to saying things that are important to others... Maybe I should practice saying important things and then I won't annoy myself any longer. Probably not!
Fortunately, it seems like interview time is finished for me. While I would rather work on speaking like Captain Kirk, I think I just need to learn to breathe in through my mouth and try to act like a more normalized version of myself. Maybe I can channel the emotionless Data from Star Trek who fakes emotions to fit in with people. Or, I could just stay away from recording devices when someone wants the serious me and say things like, "I have no comment at this time."
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The New Star Trek Movie
I was terribly surpised on Friday to be offered two tickets to see the new Star Trek movie. I had been off the grid for a couple of days trying to complete some work and had missed many Twitter posts. Amazingly, no one else snapped them up! I had to change plans, and beg cooperation from my wife to make it happen.
I have to give a serious Woot! shout out to @SteveBFW who gave me the tickets to the Virginia Beach Premeire. And I also have to thank @LAlconcel for putting in a good word for me when I was temporarily out of contact. I love my Twitter peeps!
Yesterday morning at 10:30am I found myself at early screening of a Star trek movie with my daughter Savannah. She was excited to spend a little time with Dad, probably because she knows she gets whatever she wants when we are together. Funny, she didn't want much before the movie. I gave her a twenty to go to the candy counter and she only came back with bottled water and Twizzlers.
I have to give a serious Woot! shout out to @SteveBFW who gave me the tickets to the Virginia Beach Premeire. And I also have to thank @LAlconcel for putting in a good word for me when I was temporarily out of contact. I love my Twitter peeps!
Yesterday morning at 10:30am I found myself at early screening of a Star trek movie with my daughter Savannah. She was excited to spend a little time with Dad, probably because she knows she gets whatever she wants when we are together. Funny, she didn't want much before the movie. I gave her a twenty to go to the candy counter and she only came back with bottled water and Twizzlers.
I was so geeked out to be at this sneak peak, I nearly emitted a constant squeal from the time I jumped in line. I am surprised that I didn't embarass Savannah in public by trying out my Klingon language skills, or my Captain Kirk persona.
I have stayed away from all of the spoiler sites and waited with much excitement to see this movie, and there I was seeing it before anyone else in the city. Wow!
They gave out stickers and posters as we entered the theater. Savannah and I rushed to the lower level of the theater and grabbed the center seats in the top row- which are the best seats ever!
Savannah and I at the Movie. Notice my shirt?
During the movie there was a Paramount guy wandering around making sure no one was taking pictures or movies of the showing. Security was tight. I have never been to a movie like that.
CW27, a local TV station, was sponsoring the event and took a picture of Savanah and I. I had to sign a waver, and they said that they were going to post our picture on their website on Monday. I will add a link when I find the slide show...
Update! 5/4/09 Here is the Link- Savannah and I are on the CW 27!
Movie Review
While I refuse to ruin a good movie by telling the story, I do think I need to say something about it. The movie was AWESOME! It is by far, the Best Star trek Movie yet!
Update! 5/4/09 Here is the Link- Savannah and I are on the CW 27!
Movie Review
While I refuse to ruin a good movie by telling the story, I do think I need to say something about it. The movie was AWESOME! It is by far, the Best Star trek Movie yet!
I have grown up on Star Trek, and some people might say that this fact makes me an impartial judge of the movie, but I would have to disagree. Good is easy to pick out and so is bad, but my love for the Star Trek is like my love for my dog. She can make a mistake and I will still love her, but I don't have to like her poop.
In my opinion The Wrath of Kahn used to be the best Star Trek movie because it was true to the original series. It had action and passion and was just plain fun.
Generations was was a close second because it tied the past from The Orignial Series (TOS) to The Next Generation (which I also loved). I also thought it was the best story of all the movies.
The worst movie was the first one, Star Trek: The Motion Picture. It was stuffy and difficult to sit through. I must say that I have seen it many times since that day in December of 1979, because there is still much to love about the movie. The bald navigator Ilia is mesmerizing.
There were some other Star Trek that were also pretty bad, but luckily the new Star Trek movie is not one of them. There is lots of action and excitement that will thrill people who aren't into Strek Trek. From the first minutes of the movie to to the last few minutes I was glued to my seat.
The special effects were out of control good. Explosions and space scenes were perfect. The special effects did not take the viewer away from the story, which was very important to me. Otherwise, it would have been a very painful time in the seat for me, because the story makes the movie.
The best part was the storyline. It stayed true to the characters from TOS, but added a surpising twist. This is the beginning of more fun things to come from the Star Trek franchise. If you have never liked Star Trek, now is the time to give it a chance.
At one point in the movie Savannah turns to me and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." Normally I would never send her out by herself, but she is seven and growing more indepenant every day, and I couldn't go into the bathroom with her anyway, so I asked her, "Do you know where the bathroom is? Do you need me to come with you?"
I felt terribly guilty because I didn't want to leave, and the burden of parenthood told me I should have gone with her, but she was ready and was back in only a min or two. Does that make me a bad parent, a Trekkie, or both?
As Savannah and I were walking out of the theater we were asked to give a quick review. I said,"10 out of 10 stars. The best Star Trek Movie yet." Having had a whole almost a whole day to think about it, I still think that is accurate.
I want more! I never go to the movies anymore, but have already told the kids I would take them all to see Star trek when it opens later this week for the world to see.
I have already ordered my Cheezit Star trek shirt and have plans to order them for the whole family, I just need a few more boxes! While I wait patiently for my new shirt, I will probably Trek Myself a few more times...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Sam's Mural
There is no such thing as Karma Bonus points with your children. You do something because you said you would, or maybe because it is the right thing to do, but there is no "Kid Karma Bank."
Months ago I told my children that I would paint whatever they wanted me to paint on their walls. It has taken a long time, mostly because I am lazy, and I still have another room to paint.
Sammy wanted a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I just finished painting the mural today after being partially up there for a week.
As soon as I finished he said, "Dad, can you paint a Power Ranger up there beside it?"
"Sure baby, right after I finish your sister's room," I said.
This is a time lapse video I shot of the painting.
Months ago I told my children that I would paint whatever they wanted me to paint on their walls. It has taken a long time, mostly because I am lazy, and I still have another room to paint.
Sammy wanted a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I just finished painting the mural today after being partially up there for a week.
As soon as I finished he said, "Dad, can you paint a Power Ranger up there beside it?"
"Sure baby, right after I finish your sister's room," I said.
This is a time lapse video I shot of the painting.
This is the final painting.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Thanks Chuck
Establishing and keeping connections with people is a full time job. It is difficult and not something that I am remotely good at with anyone. People I work with, friends and even family... Family is what I care about the most, but I still find it hard to connect to them.
My son Calvin is ten and becoming a man. I am always trying to find ways that we can be together and bridge that gap that is between us, but even the best plans don't always work out.
Luckily, I am an opportunist.
Calvin has his own unique sense of humor, but as Steve Martin said, "Comedy is not Pretty." In the wrong place with the wrong audience, and you can get in quite a bit of trouble with your best punch line. Timing is everything.
Recently, I was waiting to take Calvin out to dinner after his play practice. I am just standing there taking up room in the hallway while he is waiting in line to change his clothes. I hear him say to his theater instructor, "You know Jesus is the son of God, but God is the son of Chuck Norris."
I was furious! First of all, he has been told to not try out his new material with anyone but me. Plus, he has already gotten in trouble for trying to be funny by talking about religion to his theater instructor. Jokes about religion are hurtful and make people angry.
What surprised me the most was his Chuck Norris joke. When and where did he hear Chuck Norris jokes? More importantly, why did I not know about this sooner? All that wasted time when we could have been giggling over ridiculous punch lines!
After doing my parental duty- chewing him out for his poor timing and for breaking the joking about religion rule, I asked him where he heard the Chuck Norris joke. Still a little shook up from the stern talking to I gave him, Calvin sheepishly said, "I made it up."
He is creating his own Chuck Norris material? Wow! I am thrilled. As an early adopter of Chuck Norris jokes, I have treasured them ever since I told my first one in public and was greeted with a puzzled look. It is an acquired taste.
If you don't know the story behind Chuck Norris jokes, I will try to clarify. A few years back some college kids were sitting around trying to think of funny things to say to one another when one of them touched on the ultimate man icon of the 80's, Chuck Norris. His cool steely look, and his Karate abilities made him a natural for this humorous game of one-up-manship. Chuck Norris Facts became a fad. These jokes are mostly shared among guys, because we are, as a rule, immature and silly. The more impossible the Chuck Norris feat, the funnier it is to us.
It has apparently escaped my son that I have a Chuck Norris t-shirt, and my wife had just given me a Chuck Norris Facts poster that I took to work. So, I tried to lighten the mood by telling him one of my favorite Chuck jokes, "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.”
And with that one joke, there was a new bond between us- and a whole slew of new inside man jokes! We spent the next hour at Wendy’s with me telling Calvin Chuck jokes from my blackberry while scanning Chuck Norris Facts.com.
You know your son is having fun when he squirts coke out of his nose while laughing.
Thank you Chuck for helping me to stay close to my son.
My son Calvin is ten and becoming a man. I am always trying to find ways that we can be together and bridge that gap that is between us, but even the best plans don't always work out.
Luckily, I am an opportunist.
Calvin has his own unique sense of humor, but as Steve Martin said, "Comedy is not Pretty." In the wrong place with the wrong audience, and you can get in quite a bit of trouble with your best punch line. Timing is everything.
Recently, I was waiting to take Calvin out to dinner after his play practice. I am just standing there taking up room in the hallway while he is waiting in line to change his clothes. I hear him say to his theater instructor, "You know Jesus is the son of God, but God is the son of Chuck Norris."
I was furious! First of all, he has been told to not try out his new material with anyone but me. Plus, he has already gotten in trouble for trying to be funny by talking about religion to his theater instructor. Jokes about religion are hurtful and make people angry.
What surprised me the most was his Chuck Norris joke. When and where did he hear Chuck Norris jokes? More importantly, why did I not know about this sooner? All that wasted time when we could have been giggling over ridiculous punch lines!
After doing my parental duty- chewing him out for his poor timing and for breaking the joking about religion rule, I asked him where he heard the Chuck Norris joke. Still a little shook up from the stern talking to I gave him, Calvin sheepishly said, "I made it up."
He is creating his own Chuck Norris material? Wow! I am thrilled. As an early adopter of Chuck Norris jokes, I have treasured them ever since I told my first one in public and was greeted with a puzzled look. It is an acquired taste.
If you don't know the story behind Chuck Norris jokes, I will try to clarify. A few years back some college kids were sitting around trying to think of funny things to say to one another when one of them touched on the ultimate man icon of the 80's, Chuck Norris. His cool steely look, and his Karate abilities made him a natural for this humorous game of one-up-manship. Chuck Norris Facts became a fad. These jokes are mostly shared among guys, because we are, as a rule, immature and silly. The more impossible the Chuck Norris feat, the funnier it is to us.
It has apparently escaped my son that I have a Chuck Norris t-shirt, and my wife had just given me a Chuck Norris Facts poster that I took to work. So, I tried to lighten the mood by telling him one of my favorite Chuck jokes, "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.”
And with that one joke, there was a new bond between us- and a whole slew of new inside man jokes! We spent the next hour at Wendy’s with me telling Calvin Chuck jokes from my blackberry while scanning Chuck Norris Facts.com.
You know your son is having fun when he squirts coke out of his nose while laughing.
Thank you Chuck for helping me to stay close to my son.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Crisis
It is difficult for many people to realize that they have aged. There are constant reminders around us all that we are used to and no longer shock us. The unsettling experiences are the unexpected ones. Surprises can rattle you to the core of your being.
I was surprised like that just the other day. I made my way to the nearby Great Clips spot with my son to get our hair cut. Sharde, my normal hair stylist, had disappeared again. That is to be expected from a young person trying to find her way in the world. You have to make decisions about what is best for your needs. Calvin refused to have his hair cut because Sharde wasn't around. I think he has a crush on her. That is easy to understand, she is a cutie.
My hair couldn't wait. I jumped up in the chair determined to get my hair back under control.
This new lady was nice enough. I can't remember her name, but she got right down to business.
The stylist went about trimming my hair, and evened out my unruly mop. About mid-way through she stopped in front of me and said,"Would you like me to trim your eyebrows."
I was shocked and insulted that this woman who didn't even know me 5 minutes before is asking to trim my eyebrows, but I took a breath and said in my most calm voice, "Ok."
I know that my eyebrows were kind of hairy. I have given it some thought, but I didn't think it was something that other people notice. The biggest problem for me was figuring out what to do about them. So I thought that having a professional address the issue was probably a good idea.
She was obviously unaware of the internal trauma she had just caused me, because she followed up her intial question with this little zinger, "Now people will focus on what you are saying and not your eyebrows."
What? Is this why my kids don't listen to me? People are distracted by my eyebrows? What the ...
At this point I know I am turning red. I have no idea what to say, so I give one of those little confused smiles you use when someone says something to you that sounds like an exotic foriegn language that you don't understand.
Unbelievably, she is not finished!
"We can't have you walking around looking like Andy Rooney, now can we?" and then she laughs!
I was so upset I nearly leapt out of the chair and roundhouse kicked her right in the clippers! There was no way I could have prepared myself to suddenly be compared to a man who looks like he has ginormous, furry caterpillars dueling on his forehead.
My calming techniques have really come in handy lately. Deep, slow breathing while concentrating only on the air entering and then leaving your body is very centering. On this day, I think it kept me out of jail.
What other age indicators are there waiting for me to discover? Maybe I will find out that I am only 13 years away from being able to move to a senior village.
I was surprised like that just the other day. I made my way to the nearby Great Clips spot with my son to get our hair cut. Sharde, my normal hair stylist, had disappeared again. That is to be expected from a young person trying to find her way in the world. You have to make decisions about what is best for your needs. Calvin refused to have his hair cut because Sharde wasn't around. I think he has a crush on her. That is easy to understand, she is a cutie.
My hair couldn't wait. I jumped up in the chair determined to get my hair back under control.
This new lady was nice enough. I can't remember her name, but she got right down to business.
The stylist went about trimming my hair, and evened out my unruly mop. About mid-way through she stopped in front of me and said,"Would you like me to trim your eyebrows."
I was shocked and insulted that this woman who didn't even know me 5 minutes before is asking to trim my eyebrows, but I took a breath and said in my most calm voice, "Ok."
I know that my eyebrows were kind of hairy. I have given it some thought, but I didn't think it was something that other people notice. The biggest problem for me was figuring out what to do about them. So I thought that having a professional address the issue was probably a good idea.
She was obviously unaware of the internal trauma she had just caused me, because she followed up her intial question with this little zinger, "Now people will focus on what you are saying and not your eyebrows."
What? Is this why my kids don't listen to me? People are distracted by my eyebrows? What the ...
At this point I know I am turning red. I have no idea what to say, so I give one of those little confused smiles you use when someone says something to you that sounds like an exotic foriegn language that you don't understand.
Unbelievably, she is not finished!
"We can't have you walking around looking like Andy Rooney, now can we?" and then she laughs!
I was so upset I nearly leapt out of the chair and roundhouse kicked her right in the clippers! There was no way I could have prepared myself to suddenly be compared to a man who looks like he has ginormous, furry caterpillars dueling on his forehead.
My calming techniques have really come in handy lately. Deep, slow breathing while concentrating only on the air entering and then leaving your body is very centering. On this day, I think it kept me out of jail.
What other age indicators are there waiting for me to discover? Maybe I will find out that I am only 13 years away from being able to move to a senior village.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Note to My Dealer(s)
I have placed you all on my black list. Why do you do this to me? Am I nothing but a deep pocket for you to pick clean? Don't you care about me as another human being?
I don't really want your cookies. I don't. Honest. I buy them to be nice to you, to support your fun.
Some of you live in my neighborhood. Some of you visit me at work. The rest surprise me with appearances in front of the grocery store, Starbucks, or even the auto parts store.
"Would you like a box of Girl Scout cookies? Only $3.50 a box."
"NO! Get away from me, You Monster!" this is what I am thinking. But somehow, all that comes out is "Ok..."
Maybe it is your bright and shiny smiles, with the pig tails, and the cute little paramilitary outfits. It makes me think of paratroopers dropping from the sky with cookies.
Dosidos, Tagalongs, and Thin Mints -you have named your goodies with harmless sounding names. The boxes sit will sit in my cupboard waiting for me to be bored and weak. Then they spring out like some cute little puppy. "You like me! I will be your friend. I am just a chocolaty peanut butter tagalong."
Your boxes are designed by an evil genius in such a way to make me eat the entire container. They cannot be resealed, and it would be a terrible waste to let half of the special treat go bad. What if I don't have a big enough zip lock baggy? And if I do, how stupid is it to have 3 lonely little cookies in a bag next to the box of healthy cereal. They might get picked on in there.
The cookies talk to me and say terrible things like, "Nobody's looking. Eat me too. You just touched me and contaminated me for the next person anyway. That is terribly unhygienic and rude. Didn't you just pet the dog?"
Every year I buy 12 or more boxes, and every year I hate myself. Why can't Girl Scouts sell something that is good for me, like tofu? I have never had tofu but I think it is supposed to be good for me, and I would be forced to eat it if you sold it. Don't you want me to be healthy?
Or maybe you could sell a smoothie mix, or those horrible rice cakes. I hate those rice cakes things, but I would buy them and eat them if only you would sell them. Then I could respect myself.
Now I am at the mercy of all of you cute little pushers with a product that is not good for me. It is not my fault I am 42 and have to watch what I eat. It is not my fault I am spineless and unable to resist the chocolate covered peanut butter crunchy piece of heaven that you wave in front of me. I am just a weak man! Help me to help myself. Stay away.
So, don't come to my door. I am not answering. If you are set up in front of the store I need to visit, I'll come back later. If you attend my school and come at me with the signup sheet, I am pulling the fire alarm!
I don't want to hear how close you are to your personal goal of 200 boxes sold so that you can go to the Hannah Montana movie and have a pizza party. Enough already.
Yes, you can come by next year. My ten remaining boxes should hold me over for a couple of weeks. After a few months, I will have forgotten the guilt and ready for my next pallet delivery.
I don't really want your cookies. I don't. Honest. I buy them to be nice to you, to support your fun.
Some of you live in my neighborhood. Some of you visit me at work. The rest surprise me with appearances in front of the grocery store, Starbucks, or even the auto parts store.
"Would you like a box of Girl Scout cookies? Only $3.50 a box."
"NO! Get away from me, You Monster!" this is what I am thinking. But somehow, all that comes out is "Ok..."
Maybe it is your bright and shiny smiles, with the pig tails, and the cute little paramilitary outfits. It makes me think of paratroopers dropping from the sky with cookies.
Dosidos, Tagalongs, and Thin Mints -you have named your goodies with harmless sounding names. The boxes sit will sit in my cupboard waiting for me to be bored and weak. Then they spring out like some cute little puppy. "You like me! I will be your friend. I am just a chocolaty peanut butter tagalong."
Your boxes are designed by an evil genius in such a way to make me eat the entire container. They cannot be resealed, and it would be a terrible waste to let half of the special treat go bad. What if I don't have a big enough zip lock baggy? And if I do, how stupid is it to have 3 lonely little cookies in a bag next to the box of healthy cereal. They might get picked on in there.
The cookies talk to me and say terrible things like, "Nobody's looking. Eat me too. You just touched me and contaminated me for the next person anyway. That is terribly unhygienic and rude. Didn't you just pet the dog?"
Every year I buy 12 or more boxes, and every year I hate myself. Why can't Girl Scouts sell something that is good for me, like tofu? I have never had tofu but I think it is supposed to be good for me, and I would be forced to eat it if you sold it. Don't you want me to be healthy?
Or maybe you could sell a smoothie mix, or those horrible rice cakes. I hate those rice cakes things, but I would buy them and eat them if only you would sell them. Then I could respect myself.
Now I am at the mercy of all of you cute little pushers with a product that is not good for me. It is not my fault I am 42 and have to watch what I eat. It is not my fault I am spineless and unable to resist the chocolate covered peanut butter crunchy piece of heaven that you wave in front of me. I am just a weak man! Help me to help myself. Stay away.
So, don't come to my door. I am not answering. If you are set up in front of the store I need to visit, I'll come back later. If you attend my school and come at me with the signup sheet, I am pulling the fire alarm!
I don't want to hear how close you are to your personal goal of 200 boxes sold so that you can go to the Hannah Montana movie and have a pizza party. Enough already.
Yes, you can come by next year. My ten remaining boxes should hold me over for a couple of weeks. After a few months, I will have forgotten the guilt and ready for my next pallet delivery.
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