Letting Go

Parenting is a verb, like running. You often find yourself doing it without even thinking. This thing must done, and then this other thing, and you end up getting so caught up in all of the things that you must do that suddenly you find yourself faced with a milestone that you hadn’t really thought about.

I was overwhelmed this morning when I suddenly realized that this was the 1st day of school for my little First Grade baby girl. She seems so grown up. When did that happen? More importantly, how was it able to slip by me?

When I know important things are coming, I try to brace myself and picture how wonderful everything will be. I say things to myself like, "It is the natural way of things." But for every beginning, there must be an ending. I just can not break the feeling of loss and mourning as what was, slips away.

Last year was big, but this year is the beginning of the numbered grades. Savannah has been looking forward to this day since last year when she could not understand how far away 5 months was, and insisted that tomorrow she would be in First Grade.

Tomorrow came today.

She had to wear her new “Cute is My Middle Name,” t-shirt today. Her Disney World autograph book was packed away with her “First Visit” Disney World button in her Mickey Mouse back pack, so she could share with her friends all of the fun things she did this summer.

Amy and I took Savannah to her before and after school day care, and I watched her go to the coat rack and hang up her backpack. I wanted to scoop her up and run away. Instead I picked her up and squeezed her so tight she let out a little squeal. I whispered in her ear about how proud I was of her. I told her she was going to have a great day and that I wanted to hear about everything that she did. I thought my heart would break when I put her down.

And then I walked away.