Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 129

I decided to go bold with the tie I wore on Tuesday, September 28th. I was inspired by my trip to the outlet mall in Williamsburg the weekend before. The styles I saw placed together in the men's clothing stores made me think of an angry Garanimal cage match.

I saw vertical stripes shirts matched with diamond designed ties. I saw diagonal patterned ties with stripes and even box patterned shirts. To me, they were a little much, but I have a tie mission to fulfill. So I threw caution to the wind and embraced this shirt and tie in a men’s fashion throw down.

The polling at school that day left me with mixed results. My wife was on the hater side, while I did find a surprising number of supporters. I am not normally comfortable having what I wear scrutinized, but it was a fun day. Not that there will ever be a repeat performance…

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 127

On Thursday, September 23rd, I wore this boldly striped tie. Bright, diagonal stripes. Kind of nice, but what I really want to share is the moment of enlightenment I had over the weekend…

I have always wanted to be in a gang. Specifically, a motorcycle gang like Hell's Angels or something, but it seems that owning a motorcycle is a prerequisite to membership. So I am thinking I will start my own gang. Dad's with minivans.

I will give our group a dangerous name. Something scary and powerful like, "Devil's Pit Crew." I am still working on the name, but have already turned down my wife's suggestions of "Geeks on Wheels" and "Dorky Dads." I don't think she understands what I am looking for in a gang name.

You will find us doing donuts in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It’ll be ok, one of the Dad’s will be a cop. He can get us donuts half price at Krispy Kreme.

We will be a tough group; you don't want to mess with this bunch. We will hang out and dare some skate punk to mess with us. He won't, because he knows we have 911 on cell phone speed dial. It is listed right after poison control.

And when we see agood looking woman walking by, she better watch out! You know we will fall all over ourselves trying to get the door for her. And we will offer to help her with her bags. But she will ignore us because mini vans aren't her idea of cool. But we don’t care- because we are rebels.

The only time our language will be coarse in public is when we talk smack about our Fantasy Football team. But no one will know because we will disguise our vulgar words with nonsense screens, as in, "Grebalson mack frabbit!" Just like we do when our children accidently hammer us in the privates while playing a family game of whiffle ball. Other people don't know what we are saying, and that's the way we like it. Daddy code talk.

We are powerful and we know it because we do things like vote (but that is really only so we can be late for work or leave early to go home). The issues we really care about are; When can we turn the channel off of Teletubbies? and Does McDonald’s have the right Happy Meal toy so the kids will stop screaming?

We will be easy to recognize so that you know when trouble has shown up. We will wear t-shirts that are at least ten years old with a couple of holes in it, but we don’t care because it is the most awesome t-shirt ever. We might have cargo pants to carry all the stuff our family shoves at us (because stuffed cargo pants are way cooler than carrying a man bag around). Or we might wear jeans that are too tight, or maybe too large, but they have holes in them because we hate shopping for clothes.

All groups stand for something, and ours will be no different, except that we won’t tell what our real mission is to anyone. We will tell everyone our cover story which is that we want to promote world peace. Did you really expect that the Devil’s Pit Crew would tell the truth?

We will all get cool, scary looking tattoos. But they will the water transfer kind so that if we gain a couple of sympathy pounds our tats won’t sag. Or at least not for very long.

Yes, I think it is time for the Devil’s Pit Crew to form…

Tie a Day, Number 70

The traditional 80’s power tie is a solid colored red tie. The truth is that the definition of what a power tie is changes periodically, just like any other fashion trend. Around 2004 the power tie color was pink. Today’s power ties are light blue to show confidence instead of the red which displays aggression.

I have always considered today’s tie to be a power tie (since the mid 80's when my father wore it). Bold, bright diagonal stripes on a tie can be the mark of a power tie. It is nice looking, but just not one of my favorites.

I don’t really believe the “power tie effect.” I never look at a man and think, “Do not mess with that dude. He has a blazing red power tie on. He is somebody!”

I am more likely to think something like, “How in the world did his wife let him out of the house looking like that? Is he color blind? Man, that thing is loud!”

I do think it is important to feel good about what you wear and if you are happy with it, don’t worry about what anyone else says. This is why I keep so many t-shirts with holes. They are light and so comfortable it feels like I am wearing a thin layer of air. Well, there are a lot of holes in them…

Tie a Day, Number 68

Tuesday was Mardi Gras day at school and everyone was allowed to wear jeans along with a festive party shirt as long as we paid $2 to support our Gator Aid Project (funds used to help our school’s kids). So I threw on my handmade Jamaican beach shirt and a strand of silver beads, and I was good to go!

Today’s tie has been passed over many times. It has been hanging on the tie rack that my oldest son made me for Father’s day a few years ago, and I have looked at it almost every day. I have been afraid to wear it because it just didn’t look like me, but at the same time I kept coming back to it. Holding it up the cream colored shirt that I like, it passed the match test.

It could be that it is the horizontal stripes that bother me. I think this tie stands out as the only tie I own that has horizontal lines. I asked my wife, “Does this tie make my butt look big?” Passing the butt test, I decided I would give it a shot.

Anyway, after putting it on, I changed my mind; maybe this tie was me. I was reminded that experience is the true test. Try it, live it, then make up your mind.

Side note- I have often wondered how it came to be that ties have become a mandatory element of modern menswear. The only thing stopping me from finding out was the time needed to type it into Google. According to my Google research, under the topic, history of men's neckwear, various sources place the blame for today’s ties squarely on the shoulders of a successful Croatian mercenary regiment and the French King, Louis the XIV, who it seems had an eye for fashion.

Maybe I should be thankful for ties, even though in a fashion sense I am still way behind the current style. The one thing that ties do allow me to do is to wear more colors than just the handful that I had chosen as safe. The variety is good for me.

Tie a Day, Number 41

Today’s tie is special because it was a gift! I went to my mailbox at school last week and it was waiting there for me. The attached note mysteriously said, “From the Tie Santa.” What a great Surprise!

This bright and colorful tie has green, white and red stripes that zip diagonally across the tie from the right shoulder to the left foot. Large, bold snowflakes dance merrily on the fabric as if to say, “Tis the season to be Jolly!” The tie also has a little button to push, that when pressed, plays “Silent Night.” I could have sworn that Sammy was able to get it to play more songs this morning, but I haven’t been able to all day…

This tie was the perfect kick off to the Christmas Tie Collection. Over the next few days I will be wearing all of the Xmas ties I have- to make sure I get them all in the correct season! It would be a really strange thing to see me wear a Christmas tie in May. Not that I wouldn’t if someone was so bold as to dare me to do it!

This tie was also perfect for today because I started my annual reading of How the Grinch Stole Christmas with students at my school. I have not read the story in 355 days or so, but I remembered it perfectly and I am pretty sure I could have done it without looking at the pages (but then it would really be more like a recitation and less like a book reading). That is pretty good for a guy who has to really think about it before giving his home phone number!

Thanks Tie Santa!

Tie a Day, Number 34

Today I decided to do something bold, out of the ordinary and quite frankly, a little crazy. It is just the way I roll with it. Flouting convention, I did what I knew to be wrong, something others said should never be done.

And I pulled it off!

Stripes and dots, together- mixing and mingling in the naughtiest of ways- right on my chest.

I thought for sure someone would call me on it, but no, it was as if I was wearing a protective shield. Perhaps this was the day when I could do no wrong and I wasted the magic on a stupid shirt and tie combination instead of the lottery.

Or maybe no one cared...

It doesn't matter. When I tell this story, and I assure you I will, it will be a magical story of conquest over the fashion masters. How I screamed at the world, "Freedom!" with my face painted blue while riding my horse off to work.

Of course, I still can't top the horizontal red and blue stripped shirt with the green and white spotted camouflage pants combo my 5 year old wore out of the house today.