Godzilla Hates Technology

http://youtu.be/o7gFlSGXt_k Go-Go Godzilla, by Blue Oyster Cult

Godzilla is a monster that was created by technology (a nuclear explosion). He uses his enormous size and special powers to destroy everything in his path. Sometimes he fights the good fight protecting humanity, but he also likes to fight men and demolish their puny toys.

One day when I was checking my daily Diigo updates in my inbox, I came across the Warning Sign Generator. I cracked up when I saw the Godzilla graphic that I could add to a sign. Seeing him crush an airplane instantly made me think “Godzilla Hates Technology.” Just like any bad idea will do, it stuck with me until I could wrap it up in one complete package.


I think that if Godzilla could be interviewed, it might go something like this…

Piers Morgan: Godzilla, thank you for coming on the show tonight. I know our audience really appreciates you coming by to share your thoughts.

Godzilla: No problem. I don’t mind, but can we hurry up? I really wanted to crush a village or two tonight before I hit the sack.

Piers Morgan: Alright then, why do you hate technology?

Godzilla: Buttons, plugs, lights and buzzing noises… Ugh! Who needs it? I would just like to go back to the good old days when I giant lizard could just get some sleep in peace and quiet.

Piers Morgan: What if you took the time to learn about technology? Then you might see how it can make your life better and easier.

Godzilla: I don’t have time for that mess. Learning about it keeps me from doing my thing; destroying and using my Atomic Breath. That is good stuff. How could life be any better than that? No, technology is bad, so I crush it.

Piers Morgan: Maybe if you had someone help you? You could ask for help from someone you trust.

Godzilla: Are you kidding me? I am an all-powerful being! Asking for help would be admitting weakness and telling the world I am stupid! That is not going to happen.

Piers Morgan: You have worked with others to overcome a common foe in the past, Destroy All Monsters, comes to mind. Could you work with people?

Godzilla: No. The temptation to destroy you and your creations is too great.

Piers Morgan: At times you seem to have shown protective feelings for people. Do you feel any sense of protection for people? Or is that just an odd circumstantial accident?

Godzilla: Whatever makes your day go better, buddy. But truth be told, I like you little guys. You are delicious! Just kidding…

Piers Morgan: You scared me there for a second.

Godzilla: Good! That’s the way I like it. I see it like this, I need you all. If Godzilla squishes a town but no one sees it, it doesn’t much matter. Besides, I do like to snack.

Piers Morgan: Ahem…

Godzilla: Ha! I love making you squirm, Piers.

Piers Morgan: Back to technology for a minute if we can?

Godzilla: Sure. (Roars a little)

Piers Morgan: Don’t you think that if you adopted technology for your own purposes you might be regarded as a leader of men instead of a creature to be feared? Do you want to prevent mankind from being all it can be?

Godzilla: So I should help people with technology? Maybe then they could progress faster… Possibly even leading to my replacement? Or destruction?! Did you see Super-Mechagodzilla? That thing tried to kill me. No way am I going to help to destroy myself!

Piers Morgan: Have you ever considered that with, or without you, technology will continue to change the world, and if you don’t work with it, technology will indeed hasten your final departure?

Godzilla: Roars!

Piers Morgan: Easy big fella…

Godzilla: Well, if it is true that I can’t get rid of technology, then it will just have to wait until I am retired. Until then, I reserve the right to point out its ultimate weakness by stomping on it!

Piers Morgan: So all technology is bad?

Godzilla: Yes!

Piers Morgan: What about your friend Jet Jaguar? Isn’t he a robot? Robots are technological things.

Godzilla: After he gained self-awareness and realized how awesome I am… Well, look, now you are hitting below the belt and starting to upset me!

Piers Morgan: (Loud crash in the background) What was that?

Godzilla: Opps. (looks over shoulder)What kind of a car do you drive?

Piers Morgan: It is a light blue Prius.

Godzilla: I think I may have just crushed it.

Piers Morgan: Ah, man! I can’t believe it. Why would you do that?

Godzilla: It was an accident! You were irritating me and when I become annoyed my tail twitches. Relax, I am sure you have insurance, and this would be covered under act of God….zilla!

Piers Morgan: Very funny.

Godzilla: Like I said, it was an accident. I like Prius’ because they use less gas which decreases the demand for oil. Some of my best friends were dinosaurs and I really resent the fact that people are burning them up as fast as they can. Barbzilla…oh yeah. She was nice!

Piers Morgan: I think science has shown that oil doesn’t come from dinosaurs.

Godzilla: What? Don’t you start telling me any crazy mess, my pinkie toe is bigger than you and I have been laying waste to entire cities since long before you were a gleem in your Daddy's eye, so I know what’s what!

Piers Morgan: I apologize. I lost my head. You just crushed my car and I really, just simply forgot my manners and who I was speaking to…

Godzilla: That’s better.

Piers Morgan: Look, I just want to make things better between us humans and you; to reach out, and agree on some small point about technology so that we can always be on the same side. You have protected us in the past against enemies like King Ghidorah who after destroying an ancient civilization on Venus came to Earth to do the same. Is it possible for us to learn to work together on all things?

Godzilla: I am the most important thing on this planet and that is what I care most about. I don’t like change and I am not playing second fiddle to anyone else, or any gadget. PERIOD! Read My Lips- Roars! You “people” made me like this with your technology. You gave me powers and then shot at me when I was minding my own business just trying them out. That kind of set my attitude for life right there!

Piers Morgan: So, if I am hearing you correctly; you don’t care about the advancement of humankind, you don’t want to work with anyone else, you don’t like “gadgets” as you call them, and you don’t want to learn anything new. You just want to keep doing what you have always done until you retire.

Godzilla: And I didn’t think you were paying attention!

Piers Morgan: Well, that about does it for this interview.

Godzilla: Not yet.

Piers Morgan: What do you mean?

Godzilla: Roars (sprays studio with Atomic Breath)

NFL Lockout Continues…

The first big NFL event of the year approaches and I have packed up all my NFL related wear into storage boxes. Shirts, coats, ties, underwear, hats, running pants, and even shorts are packed up because I refuse to support a sport that doesn’t care about me, the lower middle class fan that spends more money than he should. I have supported the NFL up until now but the NFL is not returning my love. I have been left in the land of “Uncertain Sports Future.” If there is still a lockout, why would I want to watch the draft? And If I did, would I watch the official NFL version or would I watch the web based player’s version?

I have imagined what it would be like for football players to enter the real world workforce. I think it might look a little like this…

Until the NFL is whole again, I will not support the players or the owners.

No Football League (NFL)

I am very disappointed over the recent developments in the NFL vs Players labor issue that is happening right now. I don’t understand the owners point of view, I mean, without the players what do they own? Logos?

What used to be football games may suddenly break down to a couple of owners talking about how tough their logo is compared to the other team’s logo like a couple of eight year olds.

Zygi Wilf- “A Viking would crush a Cardinal! We have swords and shields and those cool helmets with horns.”

Bill Bidwill- “Whatever! A Cardinal will fly away! We are too fast, A Viking is slow and lumbering with all that equipment. He will tire out and then take a nap. A Cardinal will attack when the Viking sleeps dropping a poison poop in his snoring hole!”

Zygi Wilf- “You are stupid! There is no such thing as poison poop…”

Bill Bidwill- “Is too! Ever hear of the Bird Flu? Or what about Salmonella? You’re stupid.”

The owner of my team, Daniel Snyder, has done nothing but make loads of money and questionable team decisions since purchasing the Washington Redskins. He has that luxury. For example, he can fabricate seats out of nothing and sell them at Fed Ex Field. Never mind that anyone sitting there could never actually see the game. I know because I sat in one of those seats this past year. I have never been so close to the game but had no idea what was going on. I couldn’t see the field or the even tiny little TV that was mounted above me. It was the worst football experience I have ever had, and that is saying a lot because I have been to many devastating Redskins losses.

View from the $120 seat I had on Oct. 17, 2010.

Perhaps in his free time, now that the players have filed suit against the NFL, Mr. Snyder will take a few minutes to evaluate the field view from the obstructed zone. I am sure. Right after he allows more people to draw horns on his head (original article here).

While many of the players make more money than I will ever see in my lifetime, I do feel for them because the impact of the game on individuals leaves many lingering physical problems that persist long after their playing days are finished. Full medical care doesn’t sound unreasonable for the people who actually play the games.

One thing that was not mentioned in any negotiations, that I am aware of, is the need for player chaperones and common sense seminars. Players attacking female fans, or behaving in an unsafe and reckless manner, cannot be tolerated by society. Oh wait, I forgot. They are rich, young and in top physical condition… They can do whatever they want, even changing their name to non-existent Spanish numbers and then back again. I guess “ochenta y cinco” would not be outrageous enough.

There are many other issues that are floating around between these two sides, but guess what? I really don’t care. As the consumer, my only interest is in the games. If there is no football this year, I will be upset, but I’ll find something else to do with my time. After all, football is entertainment. There will be something to fill the entertainment void in my life.

Macramé sounds interesting. Maybe I could make some of that. It is a macaroni type dish with cheese, isn’t it? My wife has said I need to learn to cook more than toast.

I have also thought about creating my own turtle fighting league. I don’t think there are any laws against turtle fighting. I will call it Turtle Battle Saturdays, or Sundays. TBS for short. Two Turtles enter, one turtle leaves.

In any case, I will be in full boycott mode of all things NFL related until further notice. I won’t watch anything about the NFL, read anything about the NFL, I won't wear any of the clothing that I have that promotes the NFL (that is saying alot because most of the shirts I wear fit into this category) and I will definately not buy anything NFL related. I know this has the NFL shaking, but what if we all just said no? No to the whole mess. No to the owners who are so greedy they ignore the players that make the NFL. No to the players who embarrass us with their spoiled and immature behavior. No to $8 draft beers and $27 t-shirts with my team’s logo on it. If it is me by myself no one will care, but if all fans said no, it might be something special.

Of course the difficulty in my stance is how do I explain it to my children? This morning after my 7 year old son picked out a football tie for me to wear, I had to tell him that I wouldn’t wear the tie because I was protesting the NFL strike. He was not happy; a tie that looks like a football is cool. Luckily, he was ok with the Star Wars Phantom Menace tie with young Luke Skywalker on it.

Boycotts, stirkes, lawsuits; Sam doesn’t care about any of that. Maybe I shouldn’t either.

Tie a Day- The Parade is Over

Sometime in early October, as I entered my annual birthday depression (44 this time around), I lost the passion for entering my ties in my blog. I did not forget about taking the pictures, nor did I forget to feel guilty about not making the entries (This was a task I decided to take on and so I felt guilt for not living up to my own self imposed chore- I know, weird isn’t it?), but as the end of Tie a Day mission approached I did feel sad. I knew I would miss the odd sense of purpose that picking a new tie out daily brought to me for over the last year.

Feelings for ties? No, that couldn’t be it. Maybe it was just because I was reminded once again that every good thing must end.

The last tie I wore for this Tie a Day project was a Christmas tie that I missed wearing last year during the holidays. I was dreading wearing this tie in late October, but as the days went by, there were many opportunites to skip a tie day and raise money for a deserving cause at school and pay a dollar to wear jeans.

I must admit to being very thankful that I was finished with some of these ties, because they are ugly! But I kept the mission going, even when I offended every eye that saw me...

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 133

Tuesday, October 5^th was the day I wore this tie. A bold red tie. This is not what I would normally wear. I think I have a hidden fear of enraging a bull, why else would I not wear red? It used to be my favorite color.

Paisley deigns decorate the tie in groups of 3. A very nice tie, but I think it would look better with a dark jacket. Then the red would be a nice addition to an otherwise plain outfit. Uncovered and flopping around the front of my shirt, it was a bit hard on the eyes.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 132

Come with me now as we enter the “Tie Wayback Machine.” I have fallen terribly behind in my tie posts, but I still make sure a picture is taken everyday. Eventually all ties will have their own post…

I wore tie number 132 on Monday, October 4^th, the day after a win by the Redskins! Notice the emblem on the shirt… I had to wear the shirt after beating the Eagles.

The tie is an odd one with a weave look to it, but not really a weave tie. The front end of the tie is not really smaller than the middle but I think the fabric was squished at some point. The tie is kind of on the thick side so tying the knot, was not as much fun as it usually is (it is never really fun), the knot is huge and folds the tie in an odd way.

But on this day the shirt was the most important thing. The tie was an afterthought.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 131

Bottom of the tie barrel… There was nothing wrong with the tie I wore last Thursday, but my choices are severely limited now. Last year at this time, I could wander through my closet and have several different ties to choose from to go with any shirt. I have to be careful now. I pick a tie and then try to match a shirt.

My tie selection process more closely resembles life. Limited selections based on previous choices made. It does take far less time to pick a tie and shirt combination, which is good. But I remember when… ties would never end…

This tie has a shimmering look to it. With blue and red dots that seem to fade in and out of the finely woven silk background. I have always liked this tie, but I am partial to black.