What's up?

Live and on the Air!

2011-07-20T14:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen my friend Sean in a couple of years since he moved to Ocracoke Island, NC. I decided it was time to fix that, so I emailed him and he told me to come on down.

Sean mentioned a month ago or so that he was doing a radio show on WOVV FM 90.1, http://Wovv.org. I couldn't believe it when he said I could join him on the air if I was interested. Of course, I was interested!

I have no idea what we will play or what ridiculous things we will talk about, but we will be on the air in Ocracoke on Friday, July 22nd from 1- 5 pm. No joke!

You can listen live here.

I hope the FCC won't be listening. I wonder if he has one of those 5 second delays with a mute button?

I will be taking requests from now on- get them in and I will play them! Contact me via Google+, Facebook, Twitter, email, leave a comment, hit me on my cell, text me, or shout loudly. But not up close- I hate when people yell in my face.

My New T-shirt is Here!

2011-06-22T07:53:00.001-07:00

After writing the Godzilla Hates Technology post I just couldn’t shake the idea. I kept thinking there was something more that I needed to do with the idea. And then it struck me-i t would make an awesome T-shirt!

I took the original design idea from Warning Sign Generator and recreated it (enlarging it, redrawing with Vector tools) using Macromedia Fireworks, and adding a Godzilla font found on dafont.com.

I decided that the image would be best on the back of a shirt, but I had to have something on the front. So I slapped a big red X on just the Godzilla part of the image and placed it over the left front side (over the heart) of the shirt.

Using Zazzle.com I made the dream happen and for a total of about $17 (I Googled Zazzle coupons) I was able to have the shirt made and delivered to my front door. It looks awesome! I thought I would share my shirt with the world, so if you would like your own Godzilla Hates Technology Tshirt, click the link below.

Look for a personalized gift at Zazzle.

http://www.zazzle.com/dtshirts

The best part is that the shirt arrived just in time for ISTE 2011 in Philadelphia. The perfect shirt for a educational technology conference. Yes, I will be wearing it there!

Question

2011-06-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

It makes me feel unimportant to someone when they begin a conversation with the one word, "Question." Sometimes they might vary this a little by saying, "A question." Or maybe, "Oh I have a question for you." If the word, "question" appears in the first sentence then I wonder about that person’s manners.

Polite society says that you should always greet a person with a, "Hello" or some other harmless introductory word or phrase. Then after pleasantries have been exchanged, you can present the goal of the conversation from your point of view. In this way, you ease into the question; sort of like dipping your foot in the pool to test the temperature before performing a cannonball to splash people at the poolside.

At least that is what my mother taught me.

I don’t have a need to be important to everyone, but it annoys me when people walk right up to me and say, "Question." It reminds me of Dwight from the office. He is socially inept and oblivious of that fact. I am certain that people who speak to me in that way do not fit into that category, socially inept. So I can only believe that they do not care enough about me to extend the conversation for an additional 5 seconds.

I do, however, love Jim (another character from the office) when he imitates Dwight in episode 21 "Product Recall," in Season 3, and begins a conversation with the word, "Question."

Typography (http://youtu.be/AWtt4dpzoWQ), or this http://youtu.be/wHalf8liZJw more complete version.

Now, should someone begin a conversation with the magic word, I will interrupt with this-

Random Person: Question.

Me: Question. What kind of bear is best?

Random Person: That's a ridiculous question (not really sure what they will say, this is what Dwight said in return).

Me: False. Black bear.

Random Person: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought-- (not really sure what they will say, this is what Dwight said in return)

Me: Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Random Person: Bears do not... What is going on?! What are you doing?! (not really sure what they will say, this is what Dwight said in return)

I will not reply to anyone in this way as an attempt to disrespect them, but for my own personal amusement. In this case I am being proactive, preparing a response in an attempt to lighten the moment, for myself. If they get the joke, great. If not, perhaps they will not approach me with that word first the next time they want to know something, and I will get what I truly want. Just a, "Hey, how are you doing today?" would be nice.

End of the World?

2011-05-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

The End Of The World As We Know It

The promise of an uncertain future has never been more intimidating. After reading yet again that there are some people who believe that the world will end on May 21^st of this year, I had to ask myself, “Why did I buy those Jimmy Buffett tickets?”

I have never seen Jimmy Buffett live and I thought they would be a great Mother’s Day gift for my wife. But I had heard this rumor of the end of the world. What was I thinking? The Buffett concert is supposed to be on May 26^th. If anyone is still alive, that would be a great time of tribulation for the remaining population of the earth. I picture fire, panic in the streets, looting, random acts of violence, and general unpleasantness. That would hardly be the time for a Cheeseburger in Paradise, or a visit to Margaritaville, even if Jimmy and my wife and I are still alive.

If the world really does end, I won’t get a chance to get the awesome Captain America Slurpee cups (Movie in theaters July 22, 2011) that are sure to be coming right after all of the Thor cups are bought up at the 7-11 stores. I am working very hard to keep an updated super hero plastic cup collection going. I have had to fight my wife to keep them, and now Armageddon? That doesn’t seem fair.

I wonder why the followers of Harold Camping would latch on this doomsday prediction. Mr. Camping had already predicted that the world would end in 1994, and here we are in 2011 for his next attempt. How many times is ok to get this kind of thing wrong? Maybe it’s the three strike rule and then after that he will be ignored.

I have many questions about this idea of the end of the world. Certainly one day the world will end. But what about the Mayans? I don’t understand why someone would choose to believe that the world will end a week from now and then sell all their belongings and try to convince others. Why not save up your money and throw a huge end of the world party on some tropical island? They could invite all their friends and then when they are all taken up to heaven, they will be easier to find since they will be together.

What will happen on Sunday, May 22^nd? The continuation of natural disasters on a biblical scale? Or will Mr. Camping get to pick a new date?

I choose to believe that I will get more than one of the new Captain America cups. It is a small attainable goal if I am still around, something that will make me happy. If I am going to pick something bigger to believe in, then I look forward to world peace, space travel, and a positive ending to all of humanity’s problems. Maybe my ideas are as crazy as Mr. Camping’s. Either way, can we just hold off on the destruction until after Buffett? It is just 5 more days, and I can give up on the cups…

Godzilla Hates Technology

2011-04-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

http://youtu.be/o7gFlSGXt_k Go-Go Godzilla, by Blue Oyster Cult

Godzilla is a monster that was created by technology (a nuclear explosion). He uses his enormous size and special powers to destroy everything in his path. Sometimes he fights the good fight protecting humanity, but he also likes to fight men and demolish their puny toys.

One day when I was checking my daily Diigo updates in my inbox, I came across the Warning Sign Generator. I cracked up when I saw the Godzilla graphic that I could add to a sign. Seeing him crush an airplane instantly made me think “Godzilla Hates Technology.” Just like any bad idea will do, it stuck with me until I could wrap it up in one complete package.

I think that if Godzilla could be interviewed, it might go something like this…

Piers Morgan: Godzilla, thank you for coming on the show tonight. I know our audience really appreciates you coming by to share your thoughts.

Godzilla: No problem. I don’t mind, but can we hurry up? I really wanted to crush a village or two tonight before I hit the sack.

Piers Morgan: Alright then, why do you hate technology?

Godzilla: Buttons, plugs, lights and buzzing noises… Ugh! Who needs it? I would just like to go back to the good old days when I giant lizard could just get some sleep in peace and quiet.

Piers Morgan: What if you took the time to learn about technology? Then you might see how it can make your life better and easier.

Godzilla: I don’t have time for that mess. Learning about it keeps me from doing my thing; destroying and using my Atomic Breath. That is good stuff. How could life be any better than that? No, technology is bad, so I crush it.

Piers Morgan: Maybe if you had someone help you? You could ask for help from someone you trust.

Godzilla: Are you kidding me? I am an all-powerful being! Asking for help would be admitting weakness and telling the world I am stupid! That is not going to happen.

Piers Morgan: You have worked with others to overcome a common foe in the past, Destroy All Monsters, comes to mind. Could you work with people?

Godzilla: No. The temptation to destroy you and your creations is too great.

Piers Morgan: At times you seem to have shown protective feelings for people. Do you feel any sense of protection for people? Or is that just an odd circumstantial accident?

Godzilla: Whatever makes your day go better, buddy. But truth be told, I like you little guys. You are delicious! Just kidding…

Piers Morgan: You scared me there for a second.

Godzilla: Good! That’s the way I like it. I see it like this, I need you all. If Godzilla squishes a town but no one sees it, it doesn’t much matter. Besides, I do like to snack.

Piers Morgan: Ahem…

Godzilla: Ha! I love making you squirm, Piers.

Piers Morgan: Back to technology for a minute if we can?

Godzilla: Sure. (Roars a little)

Piers Morgan: Don’t you think that if you adopted technology for your own purposes you might be regarded as a leader of men instead of a creature to be feared? Do you want to prevent mankind from being all it can be?

Godzilla: So I should help people with technology? Maybe then they could progress faster… Possibly even leading to my replacement? Or destruction?! Did you see Super-Mechagodzilla? That thing tried to kill me. No way am I going to help to destroy myself!

Piers Morgan: Have you ever considered that with, or without you, technology will continue to change the world, and if you don’t work with it, technology will indeed hasten your final departure?

Godzilla: Roars!

Piers Morgan: Easy big fella…

Godzilla: Well, if it is true that I can’t get rid of technology, then it will just have to wait until I am retired. Until then, I reserve the right to point out its ultimate weakness by stomping on it!

Piers Morgan: So all technology is bad?

Godzilla: Yes!

Piers Morgan: What about your friend Jet Jaguar? Isn’t he a robot? Robots are technological things.

Godzilla: After he gained self-awareness and realized how awesome I am… Well, look, now you are hitting below the belt and starting to upset me!

Piers Morgan: (Loud crash in the background) What was that?

Godzilla: Opps. (looks over shoulder)What kind of a car do you drive?

Piers Morgan: It is a light blue Prius.

Godzilla: I think I may have just crushed it.

Piers Morgan: Ah, man! I can’t believe it. Why would you do that?

Godzilla: It was an accident! You were irritating me and when I become annoyed my tail twitches. Relax, I am sure you have insurance, and this would be covered under act of God….zilla!

Piers Morgan: Very funny.

Godzilla: Like I said, it was an accident. I like Prius’ because they use less gas which decreases the demand for oil. Some of my best friends were dinosaurs and I really resent the fact that people are burning them up as fast as they can. Barbzilla…oh yeah. She was nice!

Piers Morgan: I think science has shown that oil doesn’t come from dinosaurs.

Godzilla: What? Don’t you start telling me any crazy mess, my pinkie toe is bigger than you and I have been laying waste to entire cities since long before you were a gleem in your Daddy's eye, so I know what’s what!

Piers Morgan: I apologize. I lost my head. You just crushed my car and I really, just simply forgot my manners and who I was speaking to…

Godzilla: That’s better.

Piers Morgan: Look, I just want to make things better between us humans and you; to reach out, and agree on some small point about technology so that we can always be on the same side. You have protected us in the past against enemies like King Ghidorah who after destroying an ancient civilization on Venus came to Earth to do the same. Is it possible for us to learn to work together on all things?

Godzilla: I am the most important thing on this planet and that is what I care most about. I don’t like change and I am not playing second fiddle to anyone else, or any gadget. PERIOD! Read My Lips- Roars! You “people” made me like this with your technology. You gave me powers and then shot at me when I was minding my own business just trying them out. That kind of set my attitude for life right there!

Piers Morgan: So, if I am hearing you correctly; you don’t care about the advancement of humankind, you don’t want to work with anyone else, you don’t like “gadgets” as you call them, and you don’t want to learn anything new. You just want to keep doing what you have always done until you retire.

Godzilla: And I didn’t think you were paying attention!

Piers Morgan: Well, that about does it for this interview.

Godzilla: Not yet.

Piers Morgan: What do you mean?

Godzilla: Roars (sprays studio with Atomic Breath)

NFL Lockout Continues…

2011-04-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

The first big NFL event of the year approaches and I have packed up all my NFL related wear into storage boxes. Shirts, coats, ties, underwear, hats, running pants, and even shorts are packed up because I refuse to support a sport that doesn’t care about me, the lower middle class fan that spends more money than he should. I have supported the NFL up until now but the NFL is not returning my love. I have been left in the land of “Uncertain Sports Future.” If there is still a lockout, why would I want to watch the draft? And If I did, would I watch the official NFL version or would I watch the web based player’s version?

I have imagined what it would be like for football players to enter the real world workforce. I think it might look a little like this…

Until the NFL is whole again, I will not support the players or the owners.

No Football League (NFL)

2011-03-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

I am very disappointed over the recent developments in the NFL vs Players labor issue that is happening right now. I don’t understand the owners point of view, I mean, without the players what do they own? Logos?

What used to be football games may suddenly break down to a couple of owners talking about how tough their logo is compared to the other team’s logo like a couple of eight year olds.

Zygi Wilf- “A Viking would crush a Cardinal! We have swords and shields and those cool helmets with horns.”

Bill Bidwill- “Whatever! A Cardinal will fly away! We are too fast, A Viking is slow and lumbering with all that equipment. He will tire out and then take a nap. A Cardinal will attack when the Viking sleeps dropping a poison poop in his snoring hole!”

Zygi Wilf- “You are stupid! There is no such thing as poison poop…”

Bill Bidwill- “Is too! Ever hear of the Bird Flu? Or what about Salmonella? You’re stupid.”

The owner of my team, Daniel Snyder, has done nothing but make loads of money and questionable team decisions since purchasing the Washington Redskins. He has that luxury. For example, he can fabricate seats out of nothing and sell them at Fed Ex Field. Never mind that anyone sitting there could never actually see the game. I know because I sat in one of those seats this past year. I have never been so close to the game but had no idea what was going on. I couldn’t see the field or the even tiny little TV that was mounted above me. It was the worst football experience I have ever had, and that is saying a lot because I have been to many devastating Redskins losses.

View from the $120 seat I had on Oct. 17, 2010.

Perhaps in his free time, now that the players have filed suit against the NFL, Mr. Snyder will take a few minutes to evaluate the field view from the obstructed zone. I am sure. Right after he allows more people to draw horns on his head (original article here).

While many of the players make more money than I will ever see in my lifetime, I do feel for them because the impact of the game on individuals leaves many lingering physical problems that persist long after their playing days are finished. Full medical care doesn’t sound unreasonable for the people who actually play the games.

One thing that was not mentioned in any negotiations, that I am aware of, is the need for player chaperones and common sense seminars. Players attacking female fans, or behaving in an unsafe and reckless manner, cannot be tolerated by society. Oh wait, I forgot. They are rich, young and in top physical condition… They can do whatever they want, even changing their name to non-existent Spanish numbers and then back again. I guess “ochenta y cinco” would not be outrageous enough.

There are many other issues that are floating around between these two sides, but guess what? I really don’t care. As the consumer, my only interest is in the games. If there is no football this year, I will be upset, but I’ll find something else to do with my time. After all, football is entertainment. There will be something to fill the entertainment void in my life.

Macramé sounds interesting. Maybe I could make some of that. It is a macaroni type dish with cheese, isn’t it? My wife has said I need to learn to cook more than toast.

I have also thought about creating my own turtle fighting league. I don’t think there are any laws against turtle fighting. I will call it Turtle Battle Saturdays, or Sundays. TBS for short. Two Turtles enter, one turtle leaves.

In any case, I will be in full boycott mode of all things NFL related until further notice. I won’t watch anything about the NFL, read anything about the NFL, I won't wear any of the clothing that I have that promotes the NFL (that is saying alot because most of the shirts I wear fit into this category) and I will definately not buy anything NFL related. I know this has the NFL shaking, but what if we all just said no? No to the whole mess. No to the owners who are so greedy they ignore the players that make the NFL. No to the players who embarrass us with their spoiled and immature behavior. No to $8 draft beers and $27 t-shirts with my team’s logo on it. If it is me by myself no one will care, but if all fans said no, it might be something special.

Of course the difficulty in my stance is how do I explain it to my children? This morning after my 7 year old son picked out a football tie for me to wear, I had to tell him that I wouldn’t wear the tie because I was protesting the NFL strike. He was not happy; a tie that looks like a football is cool. Luckily, he was ok with the Star Wars Phantom Menace tie with young Luke Skywalker on it.

Boycotts, stirkes, lawsuits; Sam doesn’t care about any of that. Maybe I shouldn’t either.

Tie a Day- The Parade is Over

2010-12-13T12:28:00.000-08:00

Sometime in early October, as I entered my annual birthday depression (44 this time around), I lost the passion for entering my ties in my blog. I did not forget about taking the pictures, nor did I forget to feel guilty about not making the entries (This was a task I decided to take on and so I felt guilt for not living up to my own self imposed chore- I know, weird isn’t it?), but as the end of Tie a Day mission approached I did feel sad. I knew I would miss the odd sense of purpose that picking a new tie out daily brought to me for over the last year.

Feelings for ties? No, that couldn’t be it. Maybe it was just because I was reminded once again that every good thing must end.

The last tie I wore for this Tie a Day project was a Christmas tie that I missed wearing last year during the holidays. I was dreading wearing this tie in late October, but as the days went by, there were many opportunites to skip a tie day and raise money for a deserving cause at school and pay a dollar to wear jeans.

I must admit to being very thankful that I was finished with some of these ties, because they are ugly! But I kept the mission going, even when I offended every eye that saw me...

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 133

2010-10-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, October 5^th was the day I wore this tie. A bold red tie. This is not what I would normally wear. I think I have a hidden fear of enraging a bull, why else would I not wear red? It used to be my favorite color.

Paisley deigns decorate the tie in groups of 3. A very nice tie, but I think it would look better with a dark jacket. Then the red would be a nice addition to an otherwise plain outfit. Uncovered and flopping around the front of my shirt, it was a bit hard on the eyes.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 132

2010-10-14T16:00:00.000-07:00

Come with me now as we enter the “Tie Wayback Machine.” I have fallen terribly behind in my tie posts, but I still make sure a picture is taken everyday. Eventually all ties will have their own post…

I wore tie number 132 on Monday, October 4^th, the day after a win by the Redskins! Notice the emblem on the shirt… I had to wear the shirt after beating the Eagles.

The tie is an odd one with a weave look to it, but not really a weave tie. The front end of the tie is not really smaller than the middle but I think the fabric was squished at some point. The tie is kind of on the thick side so tying the knot, was not as much fun as it usually is (it is never really fun), the knot is huge and folds the tie in an odd way.

But on this day the shirt was the most important thing. The tie was an afterthought.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 131

2010-10-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

Bottom of the tie barrel… There was nothing wrong with the tie I wore last Thursday, but my choices are severely limited now. Last year at this time, I could wander through my closet and have several different ties to choose from to go with any shirt. I have to be careful now. I pick a tie and then try to match a shirt.

My tie selection process more closely resembles life. Limited selections based on previous choices made. It does take far less time to pick a tie and shirt combination, which is good. But I remember when… ties would never end…

This tie has a shimmering look to it. With blue and red dots that seem to fade in and out of the finely woven silk background. I have always liked this tie, but I am partial to black.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 130

2010-10-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday September 29th, I wore this paisley tie. Surprisingly, it actually matched my shirt for the day. But no one cared, not even me. Tie number 130 was unexceptional, much like the wearer of the tie. Which reminds me…

Last week I received a call from the Red Cross. I was very excited because the last time I donated blood I was entered into a drawing for a pair of Redskins tickets. I should have known better. That was not why they called.

I was disappointed, but Joel was a nice guy, so I talked to him. Someone must have told Joel, or the Red Cross, about my personal weakness. It is my need to be the best at something in this world.

My perfectly mediocre existence has taught me that there is always someone better, stronger, faster, smarter than me, and most of the time that person is in the room. I think all people want to stand out because of something, and I am no different. I am sure that no awards are given for being the most awesomely average person in the world. If so, that would certainly be my award.

I am not interested in competing to prove anything to anyone, but when Joel said, “When we looked at your blood we saw that you have an outstanding Platelet count and you would be perfect as a donor for the sick children at the Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughters.” I heard outstanding, perfect, and sick children.

How do you turn down sick children? I am outstanding? I am perfect for something? Yes, it takes that little to bend me to your will.

For days I was walking around thinking about my awesome blood. A needle in my arm, not a big deal, I have the good stuff that the world needs! Children who have lost the ability to have blood that clots? I can fix this…

I entertained myself by thinking that my blood would be special enough to start fights at an imaginary Vampire club like some newly discovered whisky lost a hundred years ago in the Antarctic. Yes, it went to my head.

When I walked into the blood donation center at 9 am on Sunday morning, there was Joel. He seemed so excited to see me. I felt like a celebrity. He quickly pulled out a bag full of swag; a reusable water jug, 2 oven mitts, a bag to carry stuff with shoulder straps and a baseball cap. Yes, the guy with the good stuff just showed up. My fans were making sure I was happy.

Shortly afterward I was led to a room with a bunch of people donating blood! Did they lie to me? Was my blood not special? I looked around and decided my blood must be better than this guy because he was older than me. And that lady there, she couldn’t have better blood than me, could she? But as I scanned the room I saw that no one else had a goody bag. I knew then that I had the best blood in the room. Maybe even the world! Two oven mitts- none of them had even one mitt.

My platelets are like a miniature wall building army that plugs all holes in their way. Like an elite Seabee unit. I do have special blood. And don’t even get me started about how exceptional my blood pressure is…

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 129

2010-10-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

I decided to go bold with the tie I wore on Tuesday, September 28th. I was inspired by my trip to the outlet mall in Williamsburg the weekend before. The styles I saw placed together in the men's clothing stores made me think of an angry Garanimal cage match.

I saw vertical stripes shirts matched with diamond designed ties. I saw diagonal patterned ties with stripes and even box patterned shirts. To me, they were a little much, but I have a tie mission to fulfill. So I threw caution to the wind and embraced this shirt and tie in a men’s fashion throw down.

The polling at school that day left me with mixed results. My wife was on the hater side, while I did find a surprising number of supporters. I am not normally comfortable having what I wear scrutinized, but it was a fun day. Not that there will ever be a repeat performance…

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 128

2010-09-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

Large purple, blue and white hibiscus flowers decorate a blue green background on this tie. The tie I wore on Monday, September 27th, has never been one of my favorites. Too flowery, and too green. But I must admit that it did work well with the shirt.

I have looked at this tie many times and could never figure out what kind of flowers were on it; until today. Looking at the picture, I finally noticed the outline of the petals and then saw the center for what it was supposed to represent- shadow.

It is funny what you notice when you really take the time to look at something. You see it for what it is and not whatever label you had previously decided to give it. Words of wisdom that I can only hope to take back with me to my everyday life…

I have changed my mind. I like this tie.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 127

2010-09-28T12:18:00.001-07:00

On Thursday, September 23rd, I wore this boldly striped tie. Bright, diagonal stripes. Kind of nice, but what I really want to share is the moment of enlightenment I had over the weekend…

I have always wanted to be in a gang. Specifically, a motorcycle gang like Hell's Angels or something, but it seems that owning a motorcycle is a prerequisite to membership. So I am thinking I will start my own gang. Dad's with minivans.

I will give our group a dangerous name. Something scary and powerful like, "Devil's Pit Crew." I am still working on the name, but have already turned down my wife's suggestions of "Geeks on Wheels" and "Dorky Dads." I don't think she understands what I am looking for in a gang name.

You will find us doing donuts in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It’ll be ok, one of the Dad’s will be a cop. He can get us donuts half price at Krispy Kreme.

We will be a tough group; you don't want to mess with this bunch. We will hang out and dare some skate punk to mess with us. He won't, because he knows we have 911 on cell phone speed dial. It is listed right after poison control.

And when we see agood looking woman walking by, she better watch out! You know we will fall all over ourselves trying to get the door for her. And we will offer to help her with her bags. But she will ignore us because mini vans aren't her idea of cool. But we don’t care- because we are rebels.

The only time our language will be coarse in public is when we talk smack about our Fantasy Football team. But no one will know because we will disguise our vulgar words with nonsense screens, as in, "Grebalson mack frabbit!" Just like we do when our children accidently hammer us in the privates while playing a family game of whiffle ball. Other people don't know what we are saying, and that's the way we like it. Daddy code talk.

We are powerful and we know it because we do things like vote (but that is really only so we can be late for work or leave early to go home). The issues we really care about are; When can we turn the channel off of Teletubbies? and Does McDonald’s have the right Happy Meal toy so the kids will stop screaming?

We will be easy to recognize so that you know when trouble has shown up. We will wear t-shirts that are at least ten years old with a couple of holes in it, but we don’t care because it is the most awesome t-shirt ever. We might have cargo pants to carry all the stuff our family shoves at us (because stuffed cargo pants are way cooler than carrying a man bag around). Or we might wear jeans that are too tight, or maybe too large, but they have holes in them because we hate shopping for clothes.

All groups stand for something, and ours will be no different, except that we won’t tell what our real mission is to anyone. We will tell everyone our cover story which is that we want to promote world peace. Did you really expect that the Devil’s Pit Crew would tell the truth?

We will all get cool, scary looking tattoos. But they will the water transfer kind so that if we gain a couple of sympathy pounds our tats won’t sag. Or at least not for very long.

Yes, I think it is time for the Devil’s Pit Crew to form…

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 126

2010-09-27T16:02:00.001-07:00

Bugs Bunny sits at the piano in his tuxedo while he ponders the composition he is about to play. Musical notes fill the background as if they have spilled out from his enormous ears. This Looney Tunes tie is fun to wear, but I am afraid it is a little misplaced since I am terribly unmusical. Unless playing the air guitar counts as musical...

This was the tie I wore on Wednesday, September 22nd, and I felt like a musical faker when I was wearing it. Luckily for me, I can now distract you with some useless cartoon information!

I think the idea for this tie came from the Bugs Bunny Cartoon, “Rhapsody Rabbit.” The cartoon was released to theaters in 1946 as a Merry Melodies short. The main differences are that on my tie, Bug's tie is red and the jacket is blue, but I will let you decide.

"Rhapsody Rabbit," from Google Videos.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 125

2010-09-27T16:02:00.000-07:00

The tie I wore on Tuesday, September 21^st, was one of my all time favorite ties. This was the best tie picture that my new Droid X has taken of my ties. I think Calvin kept a steady hand on this one.

Purple is one of my favorite colors, and I love paisley so it is easy to see why this tie ranks high on my “Like” scale. Matched with the purple dress shirt and this was a very good tie day for me.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 124

2010-09-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

Continuing the blurry trend from the week before, the tie I wore on Monday, September 20^th was pretty nice, but you will have to take my word for it.

The light blue pastel background is not my favorite but it is offset by the tiny purple paisley designs that alternate across the face of the tie. I like the tie but it always makes me think of spring and specifically, Easter. So it felt a little out of place for me.

This past weekend I went to the outlet mall in Williamsburg. I stopped in a few men’s clothing stores and found myself judging the tie and shirt combinations that they used for the displays. Many of the sets that were used were not to my taste but I could see how they matched. This kind of bothered me.

I think I have become too conservative and set in my ways. I need to make a bold statement with tomorrow’s outfit. Maybe it is time to bring out the forgotten Christmas tie…

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 123

2010-09-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

A solid week behind tie postings… Still trying to catch up!

The tie I wore on September 16^th was a Countess Mara tie that had some interesting diagonal designs on it. Black, maroon, and blue with paisley on it. You know it was a winner with me!

You will notice that the picture is a bit blurry. I have been experimenting with my new Droid X and have still not figured out how I will be using it from day to day. Taking snapshots is great but I think my son’s hand wiggles a bit and it is not always easy to see how blurry the image is until you zoom in. I obviously did not check this picture out before I rushed out the door for work.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 122

2010-09-21T15:52:00.000-07:00

It is early in the year and I have already fallen behind on my tie postings! I am sure that this is not looked at as any kind of a tragedy by anyone but me, but I hope to get things straight asap.

The tie I wore last Wednesday was a conservative tie from the 80’s. The stitching gives the colors a muted feel so the tie is not a bold colored “in your face” tie, but a more subtle version with pastel colors. This tie was easy to match with a shirt and pants (thank goodness).

I am getting worried about the ties I have left… They are going to challenge me.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 121

2010-09-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

Tuesday’s tie and shirt matchup was scary. I thought that the little blue designs of the shirt would go with the large designs of the tie. I mean, the designs were surprisingly similar, shouldn’t they work? In this case no. The effect was way too busy.

This is similar to my return to work – busy!

I have decided to name copyright/trademark a new weight loss plan. I am going to call it the “Educational Technology Diet.” It is a very simple plan, really. No breakfast- lots of coffee instead, no lunch (maybe a snack if you can sneak it in), and a normal whatever you want to eat dinner. Work until you drop with a ton of things that never decreases, and the pounds will melt away!

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 120

2010-09-14T13:52:00.001-07:00

I have tried to picture myself wearing all of the remaining ties in my collection. The picture is scary. I will be wearing some unusual combinations of shirt and tie.

After a stellar opening kickoff weekend ending in the Redskins defeat of the Cowboys (that kept me up late the night before), Monday was a day that was much more about the shirt than the tie. I wanted to proudly show the world that I am a Redskin fan!

It was a wonderful Monday.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 119

2010-09-12T18:35:00.000-07:00

Looking at this swirling mess, I think I was way off on Thursday. The red tie with large paisley designs together with the vertical stripes of the shirt did not work at all.

I had hoped that the combination would make a positive statement. Instead, what it said was, “I can’t dress myself.”

Thursday was NFL kickoff day. So I was distracted as I put together my outfit for the day. Pigskin spheroids bounced through my head all morning long. It was the beginning of the professional football season, and the beginning of the fantasy football season. This is the one day that makes fall worth living!

I know many people don’t understand fantasy football, but if you like football, you would love fantasy football. I have my favorite team, but participating in fantasy football has allowed me to appreciate players across the league, not revile them just because they wear a different jersey (unless they are Cowboys or Eagles- I won’t draft players from those teams). Twenty years ago, I used to watch maybe 2 NFL games a week, now I watch as many as I can. This is not work for me, this is fun…

Just like most everything else, you don’t know what you are missing until you try it. Peer pressure is a great recruiting tool that I have used in the past to convince friends to play. Now they are fantasy monsters…

My only player that I had playing on Thursday night, Visanthe Shiancoe, the starting tight end for the Vikings, scored 13 points for me. The most points scored by any player that night on either team. This initial surge allowed me feel secure in a win for week 1 by the “Dogmanfunk All-Stars” by 7pm Sunday night.

Yes, I love football. Too bad it distracts me from dressing myself.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 118

2010-09-08T19:08:00.001-07:00

The tie I wore today is from the Save the Children collection. The design is titled, “Busy City,” by Josh, age 6 . Yellow is not a color I normally wear so I had to find dark colors to tone it down. A grey shirt and pants combined with the brown of my shoes and belt, just to offset the yellow in the tie, seemed to do the trick.

The tie reminded me of the family road trips that we took this summer, especially the one we took to the Eastern Shore. On this one trip my wife and I noticed something that was very peculiar. While traveling down the highway, we found that the roadside advertisements took a strange turn.

When I am traveling in a car on long trips, I tend to think like this, “Where is the next bathroom,” or maybe, “I could use some food and something to drink,” but I never really picture specific things. For example, bacon; I have never really given it much thought because bacon is available everywhere around my house. Bacon is an awesome food. But driving down the road I see that bacon is available at a little convenience shop in the middle of nowhere and the store advertises with huge billboards. Bacon just strikes me as an odd thing to put on 20 ft by 40 ft sign just to get people to stop at your store, even if it is crazy good. But it is never alone on the signs… and this is the bizarre part.

The following items are advertised together along the highway on house sized boards; Peanuts, Bacon, Cigarettes, and Fireworks. By themselves, each one is not so bad, but together they seem truly odd. If these products were only advertised by one store, maybe we never would have noticed as we tried to keep to the speed limit to avoid a speeding ticket in the middle of nowhere-ville, Virginia. But this was not an isolated observance.

Does anyone travel down the road and think, “I am out of cigarettes. Oh look, there is a place right up the road that has Bacon, too! Man, I am hungry… and what goes good with bacon? Peanuts! Yes! Just 5 miles up the road. And it has fireworks? That is awesome. Junior still has eight fingers. He’ll love some M-80’s!”

Maybe I am just out of touch with the rest of the world.

Tie a Day (Year 2), Number 117

2010-09-07T15:34:00.000-07:00

I decided to continue the Tie a Day blog this year because I still have some ties left unworn. Since I tend to anthropomorphize random inanimate objects, I became worried that last year’s tie left-overs might get their little tie feelings hurt. I can’t have angry ties on my conscience!

Today is the first day of school for the 2010- 2011 school year. I feel overwhelmed. Needless to say I did not think too hard about my tie choice. They were so many things running through my head this morning that it is surprising that I was able to match the colors in the tie with the shirt and pants I selected.

Today’s tie is a repeating blue paisley design on a textured maroon background. The texture is a repeating snowflake like design. Brought back from the late 80’s, this hand sewn Italian silk masterpiece was manufactured by Britches of Georgetowne. This resurrected tie complemented my attire and started the year off in a conservative, and nicely retro way.

This summer I took a technology break. I was certain that I would be overwhelmed as this school year began, so I gave myself a technology vacation. In many ways it was harder than I thought it would be because I love gadgets and how they work. Instead, I tried to focus on my family. I just hope I didn’t annoy them too much (My family not the gadgets. I am sure the gadgets didn't miss me at all.).

The technology vacation is officially over today as I attempt to normalize myself (if this is possible) and dive in head first into the instructional technology deep end. In anticipation of this day, I purchased a Droid X to replace my existing cell phone- a Blackberry Storm. The box should arrive any day now, and as I wait, I am spending my time envisioning how perfect my world will be once this magical piece of technology is in my hands. What joy it will fill me with as I connect to the world while on the go!

Of course, fantasy is always far better than reality. Should I spend my time telling myself how terrible my new phone would be? No, that is wrong. Then I would be killing hope. Instead, I will spend my remaining hours before the X arrives with visions of the perfect technology nirvana that this one item will bring to me.

I wonder if there is a “complete bliss” ap? I bet there is…

ISTE 2010, Day 1

2010-06-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

The moon was full and hanging low in the morning sky when I let my house at 4:30am on Saturday. It was covered with an orange haze that reminded me of some sort of old style vampire movie. Thankfully there were no soulless undead creatures laying in wait, just a very thorough TSA security agent that thanked me when he was finished.

Finally heading to Denver for ISTE 2010, I was surprisingly calm, but it could be that I was not fully caffeinated.

Travel, this time, was a very different experience for me. I have flown many times before, but it has been a long time since I have gone anywhere so far away from home without my family.

Normally, Amy is the important documents person. She says where we are going, and how we are getting there. Her job is important.

My job is important, too. I am in charge of security, crowd control for the three kids, and the lifting and carrying of the heavy stuff.

I take my job very seriously and I might say things like, “Stop that!” and “No, Put that down and come over here.” and every once in a while, “That is disgusting! Not funny!”

So traveling alone is quite stress free once I figure out where I am going and how I am getting there. For example; riding the elevator is a simple thing, but for me it is a huge problem when I miss the part where the desk clerk said to go to the second set of elevators to get to the 29^th floor. It is a good thing no one saw me standing in the elevator that only goes up to the 21^st floor trying to figure out how to make it go to the 29^th floor.

Next stop, Banjo Billy’s tour of Denver!

Packing for ISTE 2010

2010-06-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

I was born to procrastinate. I had planned to begin packing 3 days ago. Then I changed it to two days ago, and so on. I think I’ll pack tomorrow- I have to since I will be leaving for Denver Saturday morning at 4:30 am.

I have taken the giant step of looking for my suitcase and my backpack computer bag. That’s not really true since they weren’t hidden. I left them out in the open so that it has seemed like they have been waving at me when I walked by them 20 times a day over the past 2 weeks. I wave back and just keep on going.

Finally, I got around to checking the bags the other day and I found the strangest stuff in my backpack and suitcase. I wonder what that says about me? It can’t be anything good; pack-rat, hoarder, or if I am lucky, forgetful.

My backpack is a gum magnet. Is my breath that bad that I need 2 and a half packs of gum? If you know the answer, please be kind. I do gulp down a lot of coffee but it does bother me that people might call me “Dragon Breath” behind my back.

Why do I have so many batteries in my laptop backpack? Do I need 7 AAA batteries and 2 AA batteries? I should probably get more AA batteries just so they are equal with the AAA’s. In case there is some sort of battery war when I am not looking, the sides should be even. AA’s are bigger than AAA’s, so should I adjust the numbers to reflect the size difference and keep the fight fair?

I found an unopened Easter egg filled with M&M’s in my laptop backpack. Lunch for today…

Five single use packs of sunscreen, SPF 30, were in a side area of the computer bag. I left two. Maybe it will be useful. Sunburn is never fun, but I hate putting lotion on. Is there any logic in the things I do? Like just carrying around the sunscreen packets will keep me safe from the dangerous UV rays of the sun.

There was a water bottle carrying hook with a carabiner for hooking onto your belt that I have never used, hidden in my backpack. I think I carry it around because I am secretly hoping someone will ask me about it and then I can say, “carabiner.” I like to say that word, but it is really hard to work into a conversation. I left it in the bag.

I also found a shower cap from Atlantis. Maybe I should keep that in there since I am not taking an umbrella to Denver. A brave man likes to feel nature on his face, but does the weather need to mess up his hair?

When I went to Atlantis with my family in April we had two rooms. I decided that I had to collect all the shampoo, conditioner, bath soap, face soap and shower caps that the housekeeper left in both rooms. I don’t know why I brought all that stuff home, but I pulled 25 containers of shampoo and conditioner alone (It was so much stuff it covered the dresser top!) out of my suitcase to make room for my stuff going to Denver. I had emptied everything else out of the suitcase, but left all the toiletries. Odd…

There is a Redskins ticket stub in one of the zipper pouches of the suitcase from a game I went to 2 years ago. I left it in there. It doesn’t take up space, makes the bag no heavier, and it is like a social experiment that I am performing on myself. How long will I leave the ticket in the suitcase?

Maybe the reason that I am not packed has more to do with my distractibility than procrastination. I should have just turned each bag upside down and shaken them until everything fell out. Instead, I examined each bag carefully and analyzed the contents, while laughing at myself. I am shocked that I ever get anything accomplished.

If anyone sees me in Denver, ask me if I have a water bottle holder so I can say “carabiner!”

Preparing for ISTE 2010

2010-06-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

The most important things to pack for any trip are deodorant and a tooth brush and toothpaste. No one cares who you are, or what you have to say if you stink. I have that covered, but if I forget -that will be my first purchase in Denver.

I do want to assure anyone who might be going to ISTE that I am the goofy, imperfect, and socially inept person that I present myself to be in my social networks and this blog. I am harmless, unless there is danger, and then I go into ninja mode (Not really, I just like to say that. Except; there was this one time when I almost killed a guy with a ninja star, but he was a friend, and it was a total accident.). Of course, I could be lying about who I am, but really, if I was, wouldn’t I try to present myself better than this?

Last year at NECC in D.C., I walked every day, for what seemed like all day long. After mapping the area around the Colorado Convention Center, I think my exercise routine (laying around as often as possible) will have me in sufficient shape this year, except I don’t know how to factor in the whole being a mile above sea level thing. This could be an issue since I live, work and play at about 20 ft. above sea level.

I have no idea what to bring with me to wear at ISTE. I have been checking the weather in Denver and have decided that it is not so drastically different than Virginia Beach in June. Maybe it is cooler during the evening, but that is about it. I know that if it rains and I am outside, I will get wet. I don’t really have a lot of choices of things to wear anyway, so I am not going to worry about it.

Last year at NECC, I realized that I was spending a lot of time filling out forms so that I could enter drawings. All the smart people were just turning over business cards. So I made business cards and slapped my silly face on them. After all, I don’t want to be taken too seriously; I just don’t want to fill out a bunch of forms!

Tomorrow, I will pull out my suitcase and begin the loading.

ISTE 2010

2010-06-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

Since I returned home last July from NECC (now called ISTE), Amy kept asking me if I was going to go to ISTE 2010 this year. My wife is wonderful, and very supportive of my interests, but I kept telling her no, I was not going because it cost too much. Finally, in April, she said, “You should go. I am going to look up the airfare and book it.”

I immediately tried to run through all recent events in my head to figure out when I had behaved so badly that she would want to be rid of me for 5 days. Did I offend the neighbors? Act obnoxious in front of her mother? I was worried, I do these things so often that I had plenty of examples to choose from.

Then I realized that Amy was angling for a Christmas time New York City trip. It all made perfect sense! Yes, I am terribly obnoxious, but Amy just wants to go on a trip with the ladies. So I dove right in and made the arrangements.

Forgetting that I was being kicked out of the house, I began to relive last year’s experience and plot my return to the biggest educational technology conference this year. Last year, I made no plans and had an awesome time. So this year, I thought I would try to do a better job of planning and see if I could squeeze in more fun. Is it possible to have more fun than last year?

I do have concerns about the money involved with this little trip, but I have a theory that if I attack the SWAG, I should be able to break even in pens and free stuff I collect from the conference. Right? Last year I cleared 12 T-shirts and 20 lbs. of random stuff. Maybe they will be Christmas and birthday gifts for friends and family. Who doesn’t want a blaze orange Promethean T-shirt? They are awesome! At the very least my kids will get a kick out of wading through all the stuff I bring back.

I must be on mailing lists now, and this combined with my Twitter account have helped me to line up meals and beverages day and night at ISTE. It feels kind of strange to have people I don’t know feed me and give me free drinks. However, this year I am going to see if I can live off of the generosity of companies that supply my school with the hardware and software that keeps me in a constant state of confusion. It does seem only fair.

Last year at NECC, I had a plan to meet many of the people I follow on Twitter, know from Second Life, or people who write the blogs I read. I decided this year that was just way too creepy. It felt like I was studying to become a stalker, and with the anti-stalking laws that are out now (and for good reason), it is probably something that I should avoid doing. Besides, being approached by an enthusiastic stranger is more of a deal breaker than a relationship builder.

I am a little upset that I waited so long to get my reservations because I think I ruined my chance at getting a roommate. Maybe that is a good thing because Amy says I snore. I think she is making that up, but it makes me uncomfortable to think that I would subject someone else to that noise. I think my wife has earned the right to enjoy that noise all by herself. On the plus side, having a room alone with two big beds allows me to live my dream and create “Mega-Bed” by shoving the two beds together I can make one ginormous bed. I don’t plan to spend a lot of time in the room but seeing one big bed when I walk in the room will make me laugh.

I am very excited about my upcoming trip to Denver, but I am trying to downplay it so my children don’t start calling me a geek again.

Tomorrow I will begin to pack, but I am leaving the Star Trek shirt at home.

Tie a Day- It's a Wrap!

2010-06-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

On September 16, 2009, I decided that I would wear a different tie every day of school for the entire school year.

I know, 116 ties does not sound like a lot of ties when the school year consists of 182 days, but here is how it breaks down; Every Friday is jeans day. There are roughly 36 Fridays in the school year, so that leaves 146 days. I missed maybe 10 days this school year between personal sick days, family sick days, and professional leave days, so that knocks down the number to 136. One day a month we have an optional jeans day that you can participate in if you donate $2 to the Relay for Life team we have at school. There are 10 months in the school year, so the number now drops to 126 possible tie days. For the last 10 days that I did not wear a tie that I could have, I have to say that maybe I didn’t because it was a half day of school (3 days), I had a ton of cleanup work to do and didn’t want a tie to get in the way (4 days), or I just got plain ornery and decided I was not wearing a tie just because I didn’t want to that day (3 Days). This is how I justified wearing only 116 ties in 182 days of school.

I created a video so show most of the ties that I wore. I left out some ties because you may notice from the first tie post that I decided to record the ties after the school year had begun. I tried to catch up quickly and take pictures of the ties I had already worn, but of course I took the pictures of the first ties differently from all the rest, and it created problems for me when I decided to make the video below.

If you are interested, here is how I made the video; I used Paint Shop pro to cut out all of the extra stuff in each picture and just leave the tie. Then I converted the file to a transparent png file. I had my oldest son, Calvin, take a picture of me wearing a shirt all buttoned up without a tie. Next, I opened up PowerPoint 2007 and clicked on create a photo album. By selecting all of the plain tie pictures I inserted them all into PowerPoint at once. Then I went into the slideshow and inserted the picture of my buttoned up shirt as the background on all slides. I had to make minor adjustments to align the ties on each slide onto the shirt correctly. I have a Camtasia add on in my PowerPoint, so I recorded the slideshow playing. I saved the file as an AVI and then opened it in Movie Maker and added a Soundzabound’s file as background music. It sounds like a lot of jumping around from program to program, but it was a rather fast and smooth process.

Highlights of the year in ties
I invented the words- tie-cation and tieja vu , or at least I believe I invented them.

I created a new World Record- Most Neckties Worn By A Computer Resource Specialist, sort of a bogus record because of the limitations of the record I created.

Lowlight of the year in ties
I still have 30 or so ties still waiting for their chance to be worn.

The Final Tie, Number 116

2010-06-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

Large blue and pink paisley designs, I finished up the year wearing a good tie. I love paisley and blue is one of my color mainstays. The only thing that’s bad about ties that I like is that they are worn out much more quickly. This tie has had the tie loop that holds the back half of the tie down, ripped so that it just dangles.

I am kind of sad that the Tie a Day project is over. While there was always work involved in the process for me, it was something to look forward to each day. Many days went by that I didn’t wear a tie, but I wore one everyday that I needed to and some when I didn’t.

Tomorrow I will post my ties video that will show almost all the ties I wore for the past school year.

Tie a Day, Number 115

2010-06-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

This is the tie I wore yesterday. Number 115 is a nice tie with a solid background of dark grey it looks pretty good. The diagonal stitching incorporating light blue and pink boxes are very subtle and ideal for bringing a touch of color to any outfit.

The one thing that does bother me about this tie is that it has a couple of ugly wrinkles in it. One very noticeable fold is at the bottom of the tie. I must admit that it was my fault for not storing my ties correctly. I hate wrinkly ties but was in a rush and neglected to try to iron it out.

Ironing a silk tie is tricky business. Most people would say you shouldn’t, but I have pulled it off a couple of times without ruining the tie. It is important that the steam is not on, and that no matter what, the iron never touches the tie. So I normally use a t-shirt as a barrier. I run the iron over a couple of times and I check it to see how it is going, and it usually works.

But on Thursday, I did none of that and wore a poor little wrinkly tie all day…

Tie a Day, Number 114

2010-06-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tie number 114 was not the most attractive tie I have ever worn. Grey, red and blue dominate the design which has the appearance of a repeating plus sign surrounded by circles.

Made of silk, it is nice to the touch, but it is a bit on the thin side. The shirt and tie combination were probably not a good choice, but I survived the day without any mocking comments by my peers.

I would have to guess that this time was an 80’s tie, but I have found no way to be 100% accurate.

I am getting close to the end of the school year and my guess is that I will end the Tie a Day at about 116 or 117. And I will still have ties left!

Tie a Day, Number 113

2010-06-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

This tie is only the second tie that I have purchased for myself. Tie number 107 is the other tie that I bought for myself. I don’t know why but that really seems odd to me. I have somewhere around 160 ties and I have purchased only two.

I guess it is enough to say that I like the tie, it has the color blue in it, and it is made of fine silk.

I have often wondered what to do with all of these ties that I have. I mean, giving them away is always an option, but since most of these ties are from my father, it feels wrong to just drop off a pile of ties at the Salvation Army. Wearing all of the ties on a regular basis is not really an option because there are just too many.

In my quest for tie information I came across a blog called Ties to Pillows. I am pretty sure that I don’t have any skills to pull off such a crafty tie transformation, but I really like this idea!

I wonder if I can talk my mother-in-law into making a tie pillow for me, or maybe a tie quilt. I think that would be a meaningful thing for me to hang onto, and maybe even be passed onto to my kids.

Tie a Day, Number 112

2010-06-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tie number 112 is another from Countess Mara. I am estimating that about a fifth of my ties fit into this category. I can tell because they all have the little CM and the crown on the front of the tie.

The black background with the small blue ovoid shapes is sure to not upset me as some of the previous ties have done. The tan trim, around the blue shapes, means that the tie will go with brown without a problem. So wearing the tie is a win for me. I can almost wear it with anything in my wardrobe.

Looking up Countess Mara, I found out that Lucille Mara de Vescovi was a real person but not an actual Countess. Perhaps that is not very interesting, but she did build a men’s neckwear empire by making tie that appealed to the elite buyer. At the bottom of the article I saw that Countess Mara ties stopped using the CM and the crown at the bottom of the ties before the 1990’s.

That would make this tie over 20 years old. I feel Like Kramer with my extensive vintage-wear collection.

"Giddy-Up!"

Tie a Day, Number 111

2010-05-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

The tie that I chose to wear on Tuesday continued the ugly tie theme. This hideous red, black, grey and tan monstrosity tested my physical limits. Just as I cannot look into the sun without damaging my eyesight, I could not look at this tie without a fear of being blinded.

This medusian neckwear offended me; its pattern a visual vulgarity. The colors by themselves are harmless, like an insect pollinating a flower. Arranged in this pattern, the colors become a dangerous swarm, capable of killing a man.

Perhaps I exaggerate, but not by much.

Tie a Day, Number 110

2010-05-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

I have decided to wear ties when they; 1) go with the clothes I want to wear, and 2) whichever tie matches first. Regardless of how ugly the tie is, I pick one tie that matches and move on. It is important to me that I give them all an equal opportunity to be worn and shared with the world.

I imagine that when I am not around all of my ties have secret meetings about me and discuss how fair, or unfair my choices are to each tie. My cat, Ducky, sits in judgment of each case and determines what punishment is appropriate for each infraction, and then acts accordingly.

When I mistreat a particular tie, and the offense is minor, she might try out the annoying meow that is amazingly loud for such a small animal. This punishment is administered when I am almost asleep, and she is somewhere on the floor. It is like a small siren that makes my heart race as if an ambulance is paying a visit to the house.

As level of tie offense escalates, so does my penalty. I might find a tasty hairball right where I step to get on, or off the bed- just to remind me that every tie should get a chance to leave the house for a little tie-cation.

Sometimes I awake in the middle of the night to find Ducky with her behind just inches away from my nose. I am sure this is some sort of cat threat, but I can’t exactly place it on the tie penalty scale. Even though nothing really happens, it is a scary event, and she knows I don’t like it.

The worst thing I can do is to totally disrespect a tie in front of his peers. Maybe I hold it up and say something like, “Oh God no! I can’t wear this tie. It is butt ugly!” The penalty, if you can imagine, is extreme. Ducky will climb up on the bed, and urinate right where I sleep.

Having animals and small children, my wife and I do have a plastic bed cover that protects the mattress from such harsh judgments. So no permanent damage is done, just an assault on my sleeping zone and the annoyance of being forced to change the sheets. My cat is smart, being 15 years old, she knows exactly how to upset me.

And all the ties in my closet rejoice…

Like this ugly one that I wore yesterday. Red background with a blue, yellow and white paisley design; I have never really liked this tie, but I was careful to not announce it in front of the other ties before leaving the house on Monday. The cat was watching me the whole time!

Tie a Day, Number 109

2010-05-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

Last Monday I wore this tie. It seems like I am far behind in my tie blog, but I am not. Last week was the beginning of online SOL testing in my school and I decided to eliminate all extra things that were not SOL related, from my daily worries. So, I only wore one tie the whole week.

It sounds like overkill, but the SOL’s really stressed me out. I think they are wrong for students. My fear was that I would subconsciously do something to sabotage the test. I spent many days leading up to the tests, and during the tests, staying busy double and triple checking things, and mostly worrying. I did not want to be the SOL Test screw up poster boy!

Oddly enough, even thinking about what tie to go with what shirt seemed too much to do. I spent the whole week working hard at school, exercising and sleeping. And I killed a half gallon or more of ice cream. That is not normally my style, worrying about SOL’s, or anything else, but this was our first time testing on computers, and specifically laptops. Everything went well, so, back to the tie-

This tie is very earthy with its green background and brown and tan paisley design across it. It is not one of my favorite ties. I knew I was in trouble on Monday when it took me 10 minutes to pick out this tie. I basically gave up and decided I could not make any more tie choices for the week.

Tie a Day, Number 108

2010-05-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday’s tie was one that I think is seriously ugly. It has a lot of blue in it so I have plenty of choices to go with it, but the design it where it goes wrong for me.

I think this was one of my father’s hand-me-downs because I don’t remember receiving it as a gift. I am certain that I have never worn it before last Thursday.

The only redeeming quality of this tie is that it reminds me of Pink Floyd’s “The Dark Side of the Moon,” album cover, which is one of the greatest albums of all time. Although I must confess that hearing any of the songs now depresses me. Nothing against the music, it is wonderful, but the album is a tribute to a founding member’s struggle with mental illness. It is not the most uplifting music you will ever hear.

But back to the tie; ugly! Just because I wanted to do something I haven’t done before, I wore it.

Tie a Day, Number 107

2010-05-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday I wore a tie that is special because it is only one of two ties that I have ever purchased for myself. I have bought ties for my father that ended up back in my possession (I never could decide whether he knew the ties were from me, or whether it was just an accident.), but until I got this tie, and its associate, I had never paid for my own ties.

It is a good looking tie, but why would I buy a tie I didn’t like? Unfortunately, I cannot take credit for it. Since I was buying this tie to match a suit for a wedding, I simply did not trust my own judgment. Besides, at the Men’s Warehouse they have these young ladies who are paid to match ties to things for people like me.

The only thing I don’t like about this tie is that the suit that I bought with it, which is a wool suit, pulls the silk from the front of the tie. So, the tie gets fuzzy. Does this mean it is a cheap tie? None of my Dad’s ties do that.

The shirt that I wore on Wednesday was also purchased during this brief menswear spending spree I had two years ago. Both the tie and the shirt have purple in them, go figure…

Tie a Day, Number 106

2010-05-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tuesday's tie this week was a different type of design. In the past, I have always steered clear of this tie, but it worked with my normal color scheme so I tried it out. What is funny about this picture is that my left collar (the collar on your right) was sticking straight up and no one told me!

In the mornings, my two youngest children are trying to soak up all the Sponge Bob they can before leaving for the day, my wife is making sure everyone has what they need to survive a school day, and my oldest child is trying to take my picture very quickly so he can go back to watching Sponge Bob with the other two. The whole time this is happening, my dog Kona is furiously running around in circles all around us making barking/whimpering sounds. There is complete chaos, so I should be thankful that my collar sticking up is the only thing that is wrong with me on any given day.

Back to the tie... The solid blue background appeals to me. It is well known that I like paisley and the colors brown and off white fit in with my normal attire, but I have always had a problem with the plaid. The brown and off white make up the plaid design that is part of the background of the paisley design.

Still, this tie is far from being the ugliest tie I have, I haven't decided which tie fits that label but I know that the tie I wore on Thursday was close. Two more blog entries before I can share that little marvel of manly neckwear.

Tie a Day, Number 105

2010-05-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

This past Monday’s tie is another from the Looney Tunes character tie collection. This tie fits in with numbers 5, 11, 45, 66, and 92. I don’t think I have anymore Looney Tunes ties in my collection so that brings the total number to six ties.

As a child, teenager, and adult I have seen a lot of cartoons. I am guessing that for at least 12 years I spent one hour a week watching the Bugs Bunny Road Runner Hour. That breaks down to roughly one Looney Tunes tie for every 104 hours of watching Looney Tunes cartoons in my life. I have spent a lot of time in front of the television!

I am sure this piece of information explains a lot about who I am. I don't think it says anything good, but that’s ok, I have accepted that I am a warped individual.

"Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive." - Bugs Bunny

You’re Fired!

2010-05-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

Today I am taking a little break from my tie a day blogging to support the Blog for Educational Technology campaign that ISTE is promoting. Focusing on the national funding for educational technology was the goal of this blogging campaign, but I would like to discuss my local educational funding.

Living in Virginia Beach, VA, my family and I have benefited from a great educational system. My wife and I are teachers here and our children attend schools at the beach. We have all been very happy, until recently.

The economy has changed things for everyone, including those of us who live in Virginia Beach. Budgets are tighter and luxuries, such as a cost of living raise, have disappeared over the last couple of years, and it doesn’t seem like it will ever return. But still, we have it much better than other places in our state and the rest of the country, and for that I am thankful. However, that doesn’t mean I am completely happy.

The City Council for Virginia Beach approved the budget for 2010-11 yesterday, which takes away $8.8 million from schools to fund a new animal shelter and recreation center. While those other things are nice, aren’t children’s educations worth more? We have wonderful recreation centers in Virginia Beach, do we need another? An animal shelter? I am not sure we need that at all. Of course, I am biased and I freely admit that, the same way a rec center user and animal lover without children would support the other side of the argument.

The money would have been used to update existing schools, pay for equipment, and any number of things that a school system with 81 schools in it would need. Suddenly, money that was planned for operating the school system is gone, and we don’t know how that loss will change things. On a personal level, it is very upsetting because it will effect my wife's job, my job, and our children's education.

My question is, what can I do about it? Unfortunately, the answer seems to be nothing. When teachers and parents showed up at the City Council meeting last night to protest the budget, it still passed and they took the school’s money away.

I can stomp my foot and tell everyone I know about how unfair this is, but really I only have one choice in a modern democracy; vote for someone else in the next election. Oddly enough, since it is an even numbered year I will get to voice my displeasure soon and vote against every sitting member of the current City Council. Any Republican, Democrat, or farm animal who runs against a council member has a chance for my vote. It is time to clean house, and the one thing a politician understands is a vote.

I must say that the Virginia Beach School Board did say that they "deeply regret" the City Council's decision to tap the school's reserves and move away from lump- sum funding. Is it me, or does that statement seem to lack any strength? I don’t think the School Board has any power to fight City Council, but guess what? Their elections seem to be coming up as well, and as a voter I can choose to show how disappointed I am in them for lacking a backbone.

So, to all Virginia Beach City Council Members, and School Board Members, I am sorry, but I am very unhappy with your recent job performance. As a voter in Virginia Beach, I am saying that I would like to allow you to explore other employment opportunities that are available to you. Your services are no longer needed here, but thank you for your time. I look forward to seeing you succeed in your future endeavors.

In other words, you’re fired!

Tie a Day, Number 104

2010-05-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

A funny thing happened last Thursday, I had tiejà vu (yes, I made that phrase up at tie number 30, and I am quite proud of myself). I kept looking at my tie and thinking that I had worn it before. In a way I had, tie number 94 had the same design but different colors.

I find it fascinating that something that has been right under my nose (or in my closet) for years can surprise me like this; I was not aware that I had two identically designed ties, but with different colors. This probably indicates that I have way too many ties.

I am also wondering if my father knew he had two ties with the same design. He always told me he was color blind. If this was true, then would he buy two ties that are so similar? It would have had to be an accident...

I can remember my father holding up ties and asking me what colors were in them and if they matched shirts and jackets. My guess is that he would memorize designs and outfits and give the ties some sort of a mental Garanimal tag.

In any case, there really is no way to know how this tie duplication occurred. There is a good thing that happened because of this, I was able to use my favorite made up phrase again, tiejà vu!

Tie a Day, Number 103

2010-05-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

I have fallen way behind in posting my ties! I guess the wonder of hitting the 100 tie mark was too much for me. I will do the best I can to make up the lost ground as quickly as possible.

The tie I wore last Wednesday was a rather plain tie. The basic navy blue background with the geometric pattern with red, cream and a little dot of blue is non offensive, and not exciting. But it is one of the forgotten ties that just hang around my closet, so I took it out for a walk.

Tie a Day, Number 102

2010-05-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tuesday’s tie was surprisingly attractive. With all the ties I have worn, I still have some good looking ties left to wear. I am debating having an ugly tie week or two. Don’t they deserve a day in the sun, too?

But back to this tie… It is a busy tie which really forced me to wear a solid color shirt. Any more flash or motion, and it might have given people seizures. Paisley combined with bright colors and diagonal lines really make this tie an attention getter. Not for everyone, but I did like it.

It made me feel like a daredevil…

Tie a Day, Number 101

2010-05-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

Monday’s tie had a lot going against it. Coming up after the 100^th tie put a lot of pressure on this one to show up looking good.

I really believe this tie followed the 100^th tie with flair. Yes, I like paisley, and the tie has grey and brown in it. Of course I liked it! It is a bit on the thin side, but I think it is an acceptable width.

All of these ties I have been wearing, combined with all those I have yet to wear, have made me realize that I am terribly uninteresting.

I love the Dos Equis “World’s Most Interesting Man” commercials. Each time one comes on I shout, “They made this commercial about me!”

My kids are very fast at pointing out that I am delusional at best, and probably need intensive psychological help because the commercials are obviously not talking about me. I guess that is my fault for not having dumber children. They must get all the brains from their mother’s side…

Just one look at this blog should remind me how mind numbingly boring I am.

But there is hope! Now I can join the Dos Eguis Most interesting Man Academy! With courses like, “Command of the Animal Kingdom” and “Rites of Passage,” I am certain to be become a more interesting man almost overnight.

Well, maybe I shouldn’t set my sights so high.

Tie a Day, Number 100

2010-05-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

I was shocked on Thursday when I released that it was my 100th tie of the school year. Of course, I have been keeping track of it every day, but that is a lot of ties! It made me feel like Steve Martin on new phone book day.

The tie I wore on Thursday is a beautiful silk tie. The design is large and very detailed. The colors are bright and jump right out at you no matter what you wear with it. I am sure the tie would have looked much better with a nicer shirt, but I wore the shirt more for comfort than because it was a nice dress shirt.

It has been kind of fun wearing a different tie each day to work. At first I tried to plan out what I would wear, but I fell back into the surprise a day routine where I would pick the tie and shirt on the fly each morning.

Wearing a different tie each day has forced me to think more about something that I never gave any thought to before. I haven't come up with any important insights into solving world problems, nor have I saved any lives, but it has been an interesting diversion.

I think I probably have 20 more tie days left in this school year calendar, which leaves about 30 more ties in the closet unworn. I am not sure what to do about the remaining ties, but I am sure I will figure something out.

Below is a little video I made of almost all of the 100 ties.

Tie a Day, Number 99

2010-04-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Tie number 99 for the year... Blue with what looks like tiny, microdot flowers in a ridgid pattern across it. The tie is too thin, too plain, and basically just ugly.

On Wednesday, in celebration of the 99th tie of the year, I was going to release 99 red ballons and blast the song 99 Luft Balons out of the windows of my house, but I wasn't sure that was a smart idea. Living near Naval Station Oceana, such a performance might have been interpreted as a terrorist attack and brought military action down on my house. I would have felt terrible if I raised the national threat alert to level Brown. Also, it seemed an excessive celebration for such an insignificant feat.

And of course, the tie was ugly. If it had been a better tie, just maybe...

Tie a Day, Number 98

2010-04-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tuesday's tie was a fun tie. Fine Italian silk in a black and silver zig zag pattern. Up close, this tie is an attention getter because it has an optical illusion quality to it.

Thick and soft, this tie was begging me to wear black. It was a call I answered with pleasure. Wearing all black from head to toe made me feel like a ninja. My tie was the distraction that allowed me cut to the heart of problems and acrobatically eliminate the enemy. The enemy was, of course, ignorance which I dispatched with my imaginary katana.

This is the point in a conversation when my children will say, "Dad! Stop, you are not a ninja," and then roll their eyes. They are still young and don't realize that I have saved all my best material for their first dates.

Anyway, why can't I be a ninja in my own dreams?

Tie a Day, Number 97

2010-04-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

Silk ties are very nice. This is not news to anyone, but maybe I have just started to pay attention and notice the obvious.

The tie I wore on Monday was a good reminder of all I had forgotten about a fine silk tie. The fine thread was so smooth that I barely felt it as I slid it around my neck. This particular tie is reflective and has a thick feeling to it. Thick and soft, it reminded me of a neck hug from my kids.

The conservative design is ok, but you can't miss the high quality of this tie. At some point in the past I am sure this was one of the finest ties in my father's closet, although the pastel colors were not something he normally wore. Somehow, the colors make me think of Easter.

Not really one of my favorite ties to look at, but it was truly a pleasure to wear.

Tie a Day, Number 96

2010-04-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

I have been running a bit behind lately, so I am sharing last Thursday's tie on the following Monday... Like anyone is keeping records!

This paisley wonder is a little thin for me and I think it is some sort of a fabric blend tie. If I were to grade this tie on a "Ties I Like Scale," I would give it a 5, but only because of the intricate paisley.

Manufactured in the 80's, this tie has been hanging in my closest for a long time. My father gave this tie to me early in my teaching career. When I was first hired as a teacher in the early part of 1990, I was told I needed to wear a tie every day for work. When I told my dad about my new dress requirements, he asked me to follow him up to his room. I remember standing there in front of his closet with my arm sticking straight out as he draped 20, or 30 ties over it.

Every visit back home, he would give me a couple of more ties. Over the first 3 or 4 years in teaching, my tie collection grew incredibly fast. Pants and shirts you can grow out of, or wear out. Sometimes they even go out of style, but I have found that ties can hang around almost forever.

I am pretty sure my father was only making room for new ties and giving me the ones he didn't like, but that is how hand me downs work, isn't it? Perhaps all of the ties he gave me were of little consequence to him, but to me, they have made a lasting impression.

Tie a Day, Number 95

2010-04-26T13:04:00.000-07:00

Bedrock Rappers is the name of Wednesday's tie. The Flintstones are dancing and singing on this character tie. This tie immediately made me think of this currently popular song, Bed Rock (warning lyrics are NSFW).

As I walked in the door at the after school program where Sam stays when his school day is done, one of Sam's friends stopped me. He jumped in front of me and grabbed my tie.

He gave it a good once over before he looked up at me and said, "Mr. Doss! This tie is it!"

I always love a good tie review.

Tie a Day, Number 94

2010-04-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

The tie that I wore on Tuesday made me think of tires. Green and brown, zig-zagging lines down the front like the tread on some sort of off road tire. It also reminded me of one of my favorite songs by Jimi Hendrix, Crosstown Traffic.

Today is the stream of consciousness tie review.

Green and tan, zipping down the front... this tie is ok, but not one of my favorites.

Maybe I should have saved this tie for Earth Day?

Tie a Day, Number 93

2010-04-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

I put very little thought into today’s tie. Since I was running a bit late and had a difficult weekend, I chose my clothes by what did not need ironing. I should probably amend that to say, what I wore may have needed ironing, but I was in no mood to deal with it.

Normally, I kind of like to iron. It is a way that I can feel control over something in my day. I can take the chaos of a wrinkled shirt and make the fabric conform to my will. It is an empowering feeling.

Ironing is a way that I can take a few minutes out of each day and allow my mind to focus on only one thought, “Don’t burn yourself stupid!” I know it is strange that this is a peaceful experience for me, but I have never made a claim that I am normal.

This tie is ok. I have no strong feelings about it as being good or bad. It has a black background with what appears to be golden cat tails and some sort of odd purplish flowers mixed together all over the tie. I am kind of leaning towards not liking the tie, but it might be that my shirt and pants don’t bring out the best in this tie.

In any case, this is a Hugo Boss tie from the late eighties. It is redundant for me to admit that I have no style, but today is the first time I have ever taken the time to look at Hugo Boss. It seems that Hugo Boss is a German fashion and lifestyle house based in Metzingen that specializes in high-end mens- and womenswear.

I really should get out more.

Tie a Day, Number 92

2010-04-15T07:32:00.000-07:00

My three tie tribute to the Bahamas and a wonderful vacation is now complete with today’s tie. This fine 100% polyester Looney Tunes character print is the closest thing I have left in my collection to a colorful tropical celebration tie.

All of my Saturday morning favorites make an exaggerated comic appearance in an ocean scene.

Sammy, my six year old, looked at my tie this morning and said, “I like your tie dad. I can’t take my eyes off of it.”

That is the best tie compliment I have had all year.

Tie a Day, Number 91

2010-04-14T12:28:00.001-07:00

Tuesday's tie was a yellow tie that looks like it has red, green, blue and white paint slashed across it diagonally. I am not really a yellow wearer, but in keeping with my tropical Atlantis theme (here is a movie I made from our trip photos), I thought the tie fit well.

There have been many interesting things that I have discovered about men's neckwear in my tie research. I found things out mostly because I was curious, but sometimes it was an accident just so I could have more to say about my ties than,"this tie stinks," or "this tie is awesome."

For example, I always wondered why so many ties have diagonal designs going across them. Originally, I thought that it was part of the overall men's wear thing. A diagonal to offset the pinstripes in a suit or the vertical lines in a shirt. It seemed logical, but it was completely wrong.

When woven fabric is cut across the grain, or on the bias, it is cut at a 45 degree angle related to the vertical thread, or warp, and its horizontal thread, or waft. The reason that tie fabric is cut in this manner is so the tie will come out of the knot evenly without twisting. If the pattern on the tie fabric is a woven pattern, such as stripes, when the fabric is cut on the bias and a tie is created the pattern will become a diagonal pattern.

Now the problem with this new found piece of information is that doesn't explain ties with a diagonal slant that are prints, such as the tie I wore on Tuesday. Maybe Countess Mara is just messing with my head.

Tie a Day, Number 90

2010-04-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

Jerry Garcia is best known as the lead singer for the group the Grateful Dead, but it seems that he also studied visual art. I must assume that he created many different paintings and prints during his life because there is a line of ties out that bears his name. On Monday I wore a Jerry Garcia tie to display as many colors as I could.

I chose to wear this tie because of the bright colors that reminded me of my recent trip to Atlantis. Purple, blue, black, yellow, orange and brown are all in there. This tie has the appearance of being tessellated, but in truth, I could not match up parts of it as repeating. There is enough similarity to give you the feeling of tessellation, but enough variance in the design to make you keep looking.

While on my spring vacation at Atlantis, I went window shopping. My recent interest in ties prompted me to look at ties in the shops located in the resort. I wandered into the Ferragamo store wearing my best $12 summer casual shirt, neatly ironed, and went straight to the ties that were hanging innocently on the wall.

I am not sure what I expected to find, but I was curious how much one of the ties cost. I almost choked when when I saw the $160 price tag! I think I was looking at this tiny fish patterned tie. The ties were interesting and beautiful, but way out of my price range.

I don't think I have ever bought a tie for myself. My ties are all gifts and hand-me-down's from my father. I know that my father bought many ties when he worked at Franco's in Richmond, VA, that I currently own, but I don't think he ever paid nearly that much for a tie. Although Franco's does have some expensive ties...

I guess, besides the well known fact that I have no fashion sense, I discovered that I am cheap, or at least that I will never pay $160 for a tie. After all, a tie like that would be incompatible with my out of style button down shirt, dingy khaki pants and beat up brown shoes with no jacket.

Tie a Day, Number 89

2010-04-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

Finally, I am caught up for the week!

Thursday's tie was a solid blue silk tie with a paisley pattern that you just can't make out from the picture. It was more of a texture than something you could see anywhere but close up.

It was odd, but yesterday an email was sent out from someone looking for 5 ugly ties. I have no idea what the project was, or if I would ever see them again, but I was happy to help out!

The ugly tie search began with tie number 51, this was the tie made of wool that I swore I would never wear again.

Next tie on the list, number 78, the tie with the Alien face design that I hated. I will not support the overthrow of humanity!

After that, I went to the unworn tie racks in my closet and picked out a really cheesy silk tie that I hate, a linen tie that is a train wreck and the only other wool tie that I think I own.

Five ugly ties have left my life. I will not miss any of them. I hope they have fun with their new owner!

Tie a Day, Number 88

2010-04-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

Wednesday was day two of laptop install and battery removal, but I decided to wear a good tie.

This tie was not one of my favorites but it is a nice tie. Looking back at it now, I think it would have looked better with a purple shirt.

At some point on Wednesday, I looked at the Atlantis web site. It was a huge mistake because I have been distracted ever since. The whole family will be vacationing there over spring break!

The Doss family is ready for paradise, but is paradise ready for us?

Tie a Day, Number 87

2010-04-02T13:20:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, I was in a very weird mood because I knew that my day would be spent installing software and removing laptop batteries. I was pretty sure that I would be in hiding all day, so I thought it would be safe to bring out the Alfred E. Neuman tie.

Character ties are always fun, but not always appropriate for a serious occasion. On the this tie, Alfred is spinning records. Luckily I was in Laptop lockdown and able to get this tie involved in my parade of ties.

Tie a Day, Number 86

2010-04-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

After a weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg, I was completely worn out on Monday. I found this tie in my closet and grabbed by favorite shirt and that was all I could manage. I think it went together, but I was too tired to care.

I took the family to the Lodge as a surprise for my wife for her 40th birthday. Thankfully, it remained a surprise right up until we pulled off the interstate.

One of the things we did there was to contribute to a Guinness World Record by going down a slide a bunch of times and signing our name in a book- longest distance traveled on water slides in a 24-hour period.

Tie a Day, Number 85

2010-03-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I wore this interestingly subtle tie. The design on the tie is quite intricate with paisley, but the similarities in the colors allow the tie to be a bit more laid back than some of its brighter counterparts could ever possibly pull off. Not really a memorable tie, but a good choice for the day.

As I had mentioned, the day before, on Wednesday, was Amy's birthday. Being prepared for anything, or at least I thought I was, I asked her where she would like to go for her birthday dinner. She told me she wanted to go to the Cinema Cafe and see Alice in Wonderland with the kids.

It sounded like a great plan, so we rolled in there early enough to get a good table. As soon as we walked in the doors, Sam says he doesn't feel well. I really didn't give it much thought because we had just had cake, and he is 6, so sometimes I try to use my Jedi Mind Trick where I tell him that he feels ok, and I wave my hand like I am casting a spell on him.

Five minutes into the movie, he runs off to the bathroom with Amy and gets sick. I realized at this point that I really need to perfect my Jedi Mind Trick. Obi Wan makes it look so simple.

After Sam and Amy returned to the table, I became confused. I had forgotten all about the movie, but instead was worried about what to do next. Is Sam really sick? Was the cake bad? I ate two pieces and the rest of the family only had one. How in the world was I going to get home with a sick kid in my new mini van? If everyone else got sick too, what would I do then? Do I have any plastic bags in the vehicle?

When Sam made his second trip to the bathroom, I knew it was time to get him home fast. I grabbed Sam and told Amy to ask her mom to bring her and the other two kids home when the movie was over. Being a gambling man, I figured that I had 20 min to get Sam home before he would no longer be able to contain himself.

The trip time from the Cinema Cafe to our house is approximately 15- 20 minutes. The entire time home Sam was having intense stomach cramps while moaning and screaming in pain. Sitting behind me in his booster seat, I tried to hold his hand while I drove home as he writhed in agony.

It is an oddly helpless feeling when you can't do anything but drive and tell your child to practice slow, deep breathing exercises to keep his stomach from cramping. All the while you are driving as fast as you can, avoiding all bumps, sharp turns or sudden stops.

He made it.

While Amy's birthday dinner may not have been what was planned, it will certainly never be forgotten.

Tie a Day, Number 84

2010-03-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

Amy's 40th birthday was Wednesday, so I treated her to the all black look.

The tie I chose to honor my wife's momentous day of celebration is a beautiful tie that shimmers in the light. Unfortunately, it has long been "the death tie." Funerals and such have really only been the times when I have brought it out into the light of day. At least this time I was able to wear it in fun.

Tie a Day, Number 83

2010-03-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I continued my flower collection with this tie.

A nice tie, even if it does have flowers on it.

I have inadvertently fallen behind on my postings... Amy's birthday was this week, Sam caught the flu, and of course work has combined to keep me away.

Next week I will try to get back to form.

Tie a Day, Number 82

2010-03-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I look for reasons to wear ties, because to wear them without a reason is ridiculous. Many ties must have a purpose behind wearing them, a theme, a holiday, or some kind of meaning. Monday’s tie was one of those ties.

I am not a big fan of wearing plants, and I particularly dislike flowers. It is purely a preference thing. I prefer to be seen driving a Porsche 911, but life has decided that I should drive a minivan. We must accept the moment and do what is required of us. Now I like driving my new Kia Minivan. It has lots of buttons, and it fits the needs I have for a family vehicle. We make the best of things and move on.

I prefer not to wear flowers, but my plan for wearing a tie a day for the entire school year demands that my flower ties make an appearance. I am not concerned that wearing a flower tie diminishes my masculinity in any way. In other people’s eyes it might make me seem less manly, but I can’t help what anyone else thinks. If something as trivial as wearing a tie with a flower on it makes me less than an ideal man, I am in trouble because I like quiche (especially if it has bacon in it- bacon makes everything better), too!

So on Monday I chose to wear this tie as a celebration of the arrival of spring. I liked wearing this tie. The blue background has large daisies covering it. It is bright and bold, and I must say that this tie is appropriate for the kick off of spring. It was a good tie day.

Tuesday’s tie will be another flower based tie. It was a rough winter and I want to bring in the new season right. My tie wearing project does not allow repeats, so I must find a way to work in all my ties (Except, of course, the one Christmas tie I missed. That one will not be seen this school year!).

Tie a Day, Number 81

2010-03-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

On St. Patrick’s Day, our school had a fundraiser for the Relay for Life team that we sponsor. Everyone chipped in $2 and we could wear jeans and something green to celebrate the holiday. Relay is an easy cause for me to support.

My mother died from cancer when I was still in college. While she did not die from breast cancer, it was cancer that was responsible for her death. I always try to support causes for cancer research. One year I even dressed up in drag to help raise money for the cause- no, I will not be sharing that picture! But, I will have to say that I look good in red…

On Thursday, I decided to get my green out. I was a day late, but with a nearly all green tie just begging to be worn, I had to do it. I wore a green shirt and a green tie that has little red paisley like designs surrounded by a white outline. This is the only green tie that I have ever really liked.

Tie a Day, Number 80

2010-03-19T12:00:00.001-07:00

I have been in a pretty good mood all week. Maybe it is because I have been picking my favorite ties to wear, or my perhaps good mood causes me to pick ties I like. I haven’t figured out the cause and effect relationship between my mood and my ties yet…

The tie I wore on Tuesday has been one of my favorites for a long time. I remember wearing this tie when I was first hired as a Kindergarten teacher in 1990. I would wear this tie, and at 23, I felt like a serious grown up going to work. I know, I am old now.

Kindergarten, as I have explained before, is rough on ties, and this tie has suffered through its share of wear and tear. The back tie loop that holds the skinny part of the tie in place is gone, and the white silk backing on the tie is discolored from dipping the end of the tie into coffee, water, paint and whatever else it collided with in its travels.

But still, this tie shimmers in the light and looks pretty good with the amoeba like paisley designs scattering the deep blue background. I have no idea if it is in or out of style, but I do know that I love this tie because it reminds me of when I was young and foolish. It always makes me smile.

Tie a Day, Number 79

2010-03-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

Monday’s tie is a tie that I have always liked, probably because it is brown and always matches my shoes and belt. This means that I can pretty much throw any pair of pants and shirt combination together and leave the house feeling like I match.

As I looked at this tie again on Monday, I decided that it is ugly. There is way too much going on with the design. It seems like the designer had a couple of good ideas but he couldn’t make up his mind so he threw them all on this one tie and turned in his mockup just under the deadline.

I have come to the conclusion that this particular tie is the fashion equivalent to the “Brown Note.” While I don’t think that this tie emits a tone that will make you soil yourself, it is a hideous brown tie.

This tie will need to return to my closet with a do not wear tag on it.

Tie a Day, Number 78

2010-03-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

The tie I wore last Thursday was a new one for me. I should define new since I am sure I have had this tie for at least 15 years. I have never worn it before and I am not exactly sure I know how long I have had it (this might be part of the Alien plot, more below). I chose this tie because I decided that the blue in the tie worked with the shirt that I have that is the most blue, so I gave it a shot.

I think it worked, but the tie’s pattern looks like some sort of Alien Face that is trying to come out. The picture did not come out so well. It is kind of blurry, but that is what happens when you are hurrying in the morning trying to get out the door (or it could be an Alien plan to hide their intentions to overthrow humanity. By appearing as harmless patterns in our clothing, the Aliens are acclimating us to their presence so that when they do make themselves known, we will accept them as friendly while they herd us up like cattle to the slaughter. It could be that the image is impossible to photograph clearly due to some sort of Alien technological advance to keep people from seeing the truth.).

I really did not notice the Alien Face thing at first. I think it was about halfway through the day when I noticed that the tie had something on it. While looking at the pattern it came to me. Rows of bulbous headed Alien faces with insectoid overtones. I really kind of gave me the willies.

I will not be an Alien puppet manipulated to cause the downfall of humanity. I refuse to wear this tie any longer! It must be destroyed. Plus, it is kind of ugly.

This is the Alien Face. Can you see it?

Tie a Day, Number 77

2010-03-12T14:56:00.000-08:00

The tie I wore on Wednesday is one of my all time favorites. It is rather busy with many colors, large and small paisley designs, and diagonal lines, but I really do like it. I have never been under the illusion that I have good taste in clothing.

One thing people always say when you are talking about ties is to always be careful to not stain them. Even water can ruin a good silk tie. Considering my hatred for tie pins and tie clasps, and that I rarely wear any kind of jacket with my ties, it is fairly obvious that I have had to deal with stains. This tie has a very large area of discoloration on it.

When I taught kindergarten I had to wear ties. That particular age group is very hard on ties; the kids grab and touch the ties, and then there are paints, markers, pencils, crayons, glue and many other things that can mess up a tie. If I remember correctly, this tie had an incident with some tempera paint. I quickly wiped and scrubbed the tie, but while you can’t see the paint, you can just make out the scrubbed area if the tie is turned the right way.

Good times… I really did love teaching kindergarten. But some of my ties barely survived the ordeal!

Tie a Day, Number 76

2010-03-09T13:00:00.000-08:00

I was very excited today to find out that I am a World Record holder for the most ties worn by a computer resource specialist! Certainly the legitimacy for this record could be challenged, but I believe the goal of the URDB website is to allow anyone to be a world record holder. You just have to set your record holding criteria so that it makes it difficult for anyone to follow you. My one little catch was that in order to beat my record you have to be a computer resource specialist- so I am challenging all computer resource specialists to beat the, “wearing of 50 ties at once” mark!

I will not try to break your record, wearing 50 ties at once was not fun!

I was interested to see that another guy has a record of 97 ties at once. I am not sure I believe it because there was no picture of the man wearing 97 ties. While I am sure it is possible, without a picture it is hard to believe. The funny thing is the record holder was at a party and there were pictures taken of him but the most ties he is wearing is about 10. In any event, he can have the record. I will not be wearing anywhere close to 50 ties ever again!

Today’s Geoffrey Beene tie has sharp points in the design and made me think of a shark’s mouth. I wanted more than just a bland tie today. Teeth, and it has burgundy in it. A tie with a bit of a bite!

I have no idea if I have ever worn this tie before. I am going to guess no. I don’t particularly like this tie, but I chose it to make a statement. Today’s statement is, “Watch out!” I feel aggressive, or maybe just hungry.

Do not wave a Tagalong in front of my face, if you know what is good for you. Maybe I am more hungry than anything else...

Tie a Day, Number 75

2010-03-08T15:49:00.000-08:00

Safety- this one word sums up so much of what drives me in life. Today’s tie is safe. Not unattractive, but this tie certainly lacks something. Imagination? Risk?

As I look at the ties I wear, I often see the reflection of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I like my life, I am very happy. What amuses me is that when I was younger I never could have imagined myself as I am today.

Recently, the family had an automotive crisis. We had always joked that we would drive our 2000 Dodge Caravan until the wheels fell off. I was reminded of this as the vehicle barely made it to the dealership for a trade in. The transmission was shot, and one valve was locked up in the engine. I didn’t think I was going to make it. We were looking at repairs that would cost more than the vehicle, so we were forced to buy a new car.

When we first purchased the Caravan, I was upset. I did not want anyone to see me driving a minivan, but with the second child on the way, it made the most sense. It was large, and safe.

I almost cried as I gave up my sporty little two door Honda Accord.

Last week, as Amy and I finally settled on a tricked out Kia Sedona, I was thrilled. This vehicle has just about everything that we could possibly want. Buttons were everywhere! Most of the buttons I didn’t even know what they were for, and I had to read the manual (I know, what was I thinking, reading the manual! Do I lose both my man card and my tech card for that?). Amazingly, this minivan even has seat warmers…

But the most important feature of all? It was safe. I know this vehicle will run, it is reliable, and it will keep my family safe in case of an accident.

Boy, would the 22 year old Al be laughing if he could see me today. Ignorant punk that he was!

Tie a Day, Number 74

2010-03-08T15:13:00.000-08:00

The tie I wore last Thursday was a red tie with gold spiral like designs. It went well with my comfortable Columbia shirt.

I am pretty sure I have never worn that tie before, but it is difficult to say because the tie is not a memorable one. Many ties are that way, just like many days can be uneventful.

Last week was difficult for me. I was out for two and half days of work either being sick, dealing with a sick kid (or kids), or a little of both. So my tie wearing was down to just two days. No one had anything serious; it was simply that time for our house to have a drive by germing.

It is funny to me, but there are so many things that you have to learn the hard way when you become a parent. When you are thinking of having a child, you only think about all the warm and fuzzy experiences. You never think, “I should save up for lots of sick days, not just for myself, but for my kids too.” I am fortunate that I have a job that allows me to accumulate sick days in the first place, and I am also lucky that I have always been relatively healthy.

The end result? A short, little, two tie week.

Tie a Day, Number 73

2010-03-03T14:03:00.000-08:00

I had no idea there were any such thing as ties from the Metropolitan Museum of Art and now I have found the second one in my collection (my first was tie number 19). Of course, when I was in search of a tie to go with my grey shirt this morning, I stumbled across this tie hidden behind a handful of other ties. I am not sure how I missed this tie, but because it has been hidden from me probably says something about the number of ties I have not worn yet this school year.

This tie goes with many of the colors that I normally wear, grey, blue, and tan. I like this tie. The intricate design is repeated vertically down the tie is not too much, or too little, it is just right!

I think I am going to have to get Sam to come back and help me pick out ties in the mornings. There is not enough danger in my life since I gave up cat juggling.

Tie a Day, Number 72

2010-02-25T12:33:00.000-08:00

Today’s tie… What can I say about today’s tie? It has purple in it and it matches my clothes, but it is not exciting, controversial, or really even comment worthy. Yet these are the kinds of ties that I have always worn in the past while ignoring the rest of my collection.

Safe, boring… blah.

My daughter Savannah is a fashion risk taker- even in the second grade. This morning as I was taking my shower, she comes into the bathroom wearing the Captain Kirk Star Trek shirt that I got her from the new Star Trek movie, and says, “Dad, can I wear this shirt to school today?”

I was very excited that she would want to wear the shirt. She is much braver that I am.

Having no fear and wearing something that you truly love; that is beautiful. It reminds me of the time when I was in the third grade and had a Tarzan bathing suit. I loved that stupid bathing suit.

Not everyone appreciated the synthetic animal skin flaps stitched together to form a child’s bathing suit. After I realized how easily I became a target of public humiliation while wearing the suit, I refused to put it on any longer. Then I felt guilty because my grandmother had bought it special for me.

Sometimes there is no winning.

I remembered this incident as I thought about what to tell her. Do I tell her no, and crush her hopes to protect her from some mean spirited kid? Or do I say yes, and fail to protect her as my parental duties say I should? In either case I could be remembered as the bad guy.

Sometimes there is no winning.

I said, “Yes, baby girl. If you want to wear it, go ahead.” And then I prayed that I had done the right thing.

Tie a Day, Number 71

2010-02-23T12:52:00.000-08:00

I must not have learned much last week with the blue drapes tie; I think I did almost the exact same thing today. I wanted to wear a blue tie and shirt. So I picked out this blue tie with grey plant like pattern on it. Then I decided I had to wear a shirt with alternating thick and thin blue stripes separated by white stripes.

The difference is that today’s tie looks like fabric that might cover a sofa and the shirt has vertical stripes of differing widths. I do think this is a better shirt and tie combination than last Wednesday’s car wreck, but still, there is something not quite right about it. I think it might have to do with the shades of blue not matching.

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. When you think about it, close should also count in nuclear war, plagues, natural disasters and maybe curling (because being closer to the bull’s-eye could win for you). But close never counts in ties…

I am at approximately the half way point in my tie collection. I realized that this morning as I looked around the closet and suddenly remembered a whole rack full of ties that I had forgotten about. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all still waiting for me.

Past the half way point in the school year, now I need to reconsider exactly what it is that I want to do with this tie a day thing. Should I just wear a different tie each day this year (with the exceptions of casual or spirit days) and be done with it? Or should I try to keep wearing them until I run out (into next school year)? I think I will have about 40 ties left over after the school year is complete.

Tie a Day, Number 70

2010-02-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

The traditional 80’s power tie is a solid colored red tie. The truth is that the definition of what a power tie is changes periodically, just like any other fashion trend. Around 2004 the power tie color was pink. Today’s power ties are light blue to show confidence instead of the red which displays aggression.

I have always considered today’s tie to be a power tie (since the mid 80's when my father wore it). Bold, bright diagonal stripes on a tie can be the mark of a power tie. It is nice looking, but just not one of my favorites.

I don’t really believe the “power tie effect.” I never look at a man and think, “Do not mess with that dude. He has a blazing red power tie on. He is somebody!”

I am more likely to think something like, “How in the world did his wife let him out of the house looking like that? Is he color blind? Man, that thing is loud!”

I do think it is important to feel good about what you wear and if you are happy with it, don’t worry about what anyone else says. This is why I keep so many t-shirts with holes. They are light and so comfortable it feels like I am wearing a thin layer of air. Well, there are a lot of holes in them…

Tie a Day, Number 69

2010-02-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

Does the color black affect my mood, or does my mood make me choose the color black? Should I just not wear the color black and thereby avoid the mood issue altogether? Why do I ask so many stupid questions? Who cares?

That sums up Thursday’s tie day…

Tie a Day, Number 68

2010-02-17T13:29:00.000-08:00

Tuesday was Mardi Gras day at school and everyone was allowed to wear jeans along with a festive party shirt as long as we paid $2 to support our Gator Aid Project (funds used to help our school’s kids). So I threw on my handmade Jamaican beach shirt and a strand of silver beads, and I was good to go!

Today’s tie has been passed over many times. It has been hanging on the tie rack that my oldest son made me for Father’s day a few years ago, and I have looked at it almost every day. I have been afraid to wear it because it just didn’t look like me, but at the same time I kept coming back to it. Holding it up the cream colored shirt that I like, it passed the match test.

It could be that it is the horizontal stripes that bother me. I think this tie stands out as the only tie I own that has horizontal lines. I asked my wife, “Does this tie make my butt look big?” Passing the butt test, I decided I would give it a shot.

Anyway, after putting it on, I changed my mind; maybe this tie was me. I was reminded that experience is the true test. Try it, live it, then make up your mind.

Side note- I have often wondered how it came to be that ties have become a mandatory element of modern menswear. The only thing stopping me from finding out was the time needed to type it into Google. According to my Google research, under the topic, history of men's neckwear, various sources place the blame for today’s ties squarely on the shoulders of a successful Croatian mercenary regiment and the French King, Louis the XIV, who it seems had an eye for fashion.

Maybe I should be thankful for ties, even though in a fashion sense I am still way behind the current style. The one thing that ties do allow me to do is to wear more colors than just the handful that I had chosen as safe. The variety is good for me.

Tie a Day, Number 67

2010-02-17T06:21:00.000-08:00

Looking back on Monday’s tie I think it was a mistake. I was going for a study in blue, but the blue shirt with blue vertical stripes along with the tie with light blue to grey paisley pattern just doesn’t look right to me. The tie’s pattern reminds me of drapes that you might find in an old mansion that is dusty with sheets covering the furniture.

This tie also bothered me because ties are supposed to have a keeper tab on the back to hold the back thin part of the tie in place behind the larger front part. This tie didn’t have a loop. It seems that the loop was lost in the tie’s travel from the 80’s to today. I can only guess at the excitement that could result in a missing tie loop.

I like to think my father was engaged in a battle with a group of rogue ninja assassins when this important part of the tie was lost. Or maybe it was because of a bear attack that the tie’s aft restraint system was ripped from its rightful place. The world will never know.

People have asked me, “Hey, why don’t you just get a tie pin, or a tie clasp?”

The answer is simple, I hate them. While it can be annoying at times to have your tie flapping around like some sort of man flag, most of the time it is fine. I don’t work with heavy duty machinery that the tie can get caught in and result in me being pulled to a grisly death, and I rarely hang upside down like a monkey so that my tie is in my face.

Monday’s tie was not my favorite, the style was wrong for me, and the front and back see-sawed all over the place the entire day. The best part about having so many ties is that I can stick this one in the back of the rack and wait till a better shirt comes along.

Tie a Day, Number 66

2010-02-13T06:56:00.001-08:00

With skill and patience that I did not know he possessed, Sam slipped in front of the camera on Thursday morning for the perfect Photo Hog shot. His timing was perfect!

Calvin shouted, “Sam!”

I could only smile. There is just a hint of genius in a move like that, and some insight into Sam’s 6 year old personality, and I love it.

Thursday’s tie is the only Valentine’s Day tie I own. A nice little Looney Tunes tie with Pepé Le Pew and that poor little cat that he always sexually harasses. That behavior always amused me as a child, but now I know it is inappropriate (But I still think the cartoon is funny!).

Tie a Day, Number 65

2010-02-10T13:23:00.000-08:00

The tie of choice today was one that I have been checking out for a while. I picked out my shirt this morning and ironed it specifically to go with this tie. After ironing, I put the shirt on and quickly realized that I had just spent precious preparation time ironing a shirt that would make me miserable. The shirt was a nice off-yellow shirt, but it was just a bit too tight across the chest. When my shirts are tight I spend the entire day convinced that I can “Hulk Out,” of it, and try endless repetitions of body building moves. It is exhausing work.

I guess it was close to three weeks ago when Savannah and Sam came to me asking for shirts that they could use to pretend to be scientists. I had saved two shirts for the next Salvation Army run and they were perfect for the kids, so I handed the shirts over and was a hero for 5 minutes of my life.

After the kids finished using the shirts, the shirts became lumps on the floor that were put in the laundry, and eventually, they found their way back into my closet. Innocently hanging in my closet, the shirts were just waiting for their next mission in life. Today it was sabotage!

I recovered from my brief bout of panic and fell back on the number one man rule- adapt and overcome. The Columbia shirt was perfect, if only a little wrinkled. I gave it a quick shake and I was back in business. I only lost 2 minutes in the scramble that is my morning routine.

I must be on a nature kick this week. Today’s tie is all plants. Purple, green, tan, and brown plants cover the tie with just a hint of black as the background. I have no idea what kind of plants they are; to me they just look like leaves.

Today purple was the key… I wanted to wear purple, not the bright obnoxious purple, just the color in a more subdued version.

Two days of purple ties. What is going on here?

Tie a Day, Number 64

2010-02-09T13:13:00.000-08:00

Today, with my tie selection, I became bold. Daring the world to say, “Boo!” I left all of all of my hang-ups about wearing bright colors, fruits and plants at home and liberated this little beauty from the Island of Yesteryear’s Ties.

Sometimes it is all in how you approach a task, and today I went backwards. Living like the rebel I used to be, I declared today to be Opposite Day with an authority that I did not own, and I created … Magic!

I selected my shirt first. This green shirt has been hanging out in my closet wanting to be worn and today was his day. I looked at him and knew I could find a tie to make his day a good one. Looking through the interwoven collection of silken neck wear in my closet, this one tie, above all others, spoke to me. Adorned with large purple plums that seemed to fly up in my face and say, “Take that!” I knew the shirt and the tie were a natural pair.

The purple of the plums in conjunction with the swirling aquamarine background is surprisingly eye pleasing. The simulated watercolor paint is a soothing addition to the effect the colors have when placed so closely together. Like unfriendly dogs, I normally keep my aquamarine in a different room from my purple, but the softness of the watercolor effect creates a subtle buffer zone between the rival colors.

After today this shirt and tie must part, but the magic between them will live on…

Tie a Day, Number 63

2010-02-08T13:25:00.000-08:00

Today’s tie is a nice tie, but it is one that allows me to blend into the background. The green and black background with the red flower like design accented with grey is a very conservative choice for the day. I don’t want any attention drawn to myself; I am in hide out mode.

You see, last night while watching the Super Bowl I realized something very important. I have somehow, in a way that I don’t yet understand, influenced the outcome of the last three Super Bowls. I have accurately predicted the winner without even being aware of doing it. I haven’t researched back any further than three years but I do know that something very strange has been happening.

I know what you are thinking, “He is full of it,” but please, let me explain. I am a Redskin fan, a financially challenged Redskin fan. I work hard to get to see my team play live at Fed Ex Field at least once a year. Over the past three years, the one game I have seen live each year, is a loss to the eventual Super Bowl winner. This is absolutely the truth.

Week 3 of the NFL in 2007 I took two Giants fans to the game with me. The Giants were crisis management mode after losing the first two games. They visit Fed Ex and had a season changing moment stopping Clinton Portis from the 2 yard line. The team pulled themselves together and went on to beat New England and crushed their hopes at an undefeated season. You are welcome New York.

The Pittsburg Steelers was the team I decided I had to see in 2008. And lucky me, I got to see a stomping of my favorite team. This time I took 2 other Redskins fans and a Steelers fan. It is always great fun to use two personal days to see your team lose on a Monday night. Your 6th ring is on me.

This year I went to the Skins vs Saints game on December 6^th, with my regular crew in almost the exact same seats as the year before, which was a nightmare game that was decided in overtime. The Redskins just couldn’t put the game away. This was also the last game Shaun Suisham played as a Redskin (missed a field goal that would have won the game). I felt that Louisiana could use the spiritual lift that a Super Bowl win would give them.

This coming season the Skins will be playing the following teams (specific dates not finalized yet); Dallas Cowboys, New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Houston Texans, and the Indianapolis Colts. So what I am thinking is that other teams should now begin to sponsor my trips to see the Redskins.

It could really pay off in a Lombardy trophy… Although, by even suggesting this idea, I feel that I am betraying my team. This is why I am in hiding today.

Tie a Day, Number 62

2010-02-04T12:16:00.001-08:00

I have always thought of this tie as the “Giraffe Tie.” I don’t know why. The pattern is not really close to what a giraffe's pattern looks like. I guess it was just a first impression that stayed with me.

The large blotches look random from a distance, but up close I get the feeling that the design is organic, like a flower. Do flowers come in tan, brown and grey? The colors I don’t have a problem with, but the amorphic design was an issue for me yesterday.

I wanted to define what this thing was, and kept looking at it as if it would suddenly be apparent to me. I guess this is a personal problem. Sometimes I want to define a thing and can’t just accept it for the good that it is; abstract is not good enough. Well, at least with this tie it was a problem.

Tie a Day, Number 61

2010-02-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, after my fourth day of being trapped in my house because of snow, I decided I had to do something. So I had my hair trimmed (even though it was short, it was sprouting up all over and getting on my nerves) and then I went to Kohl’s. Normally, I just get what I go there for and then I leave, but since I had been holed up in my house for so long, I became fascinated by the most ridiculous things.

In my wanderings I stopped in the tie zone. It was amazing! Approximately 90% of the ties were ugly. Most of the ties were bold and offensive to the eye. Some were similar to the mid 80’s thin ties while others were just odd. The exception to this is the Jerry Garcia collection. I like all of the JG ties.

Plain white ties in both thick and thin flavors? Do men wear this? Where are they? I thought that was a Miami Vice thing from the 80’s…

Part of the problem was that I was seeing the ties standing alone without a friendly shirt to show its best side to the world. The second issue influencing my negative opinion of the tie selection was my complete lack of any kind of a sense of fashion. What do I know about fashion, and really, owning a bunch of ties doesn’t mean I know anything about them.

I only know what I will wear; and it won’t be any of those ties. Besides, me buying a tie is a bit silly when I have around 80 ties left to wear this year.

Today’s tie I picked out alone. Sam must have forgotten about my daily tie needs with the delayed opening and the added confusion of the day being a half a day for students.

This black tie is from the late 80’s and is accented by paisley designs (from my visit to Kohl’s I have gathered paisley is still ok on ties) that are separated by vine like structures. The brown, green, tan and grey in the design goes nice with the black background. Not the greatest tie ever, but I like it and worked. It was just a bonus that it didn’t make me feel like an extra on Miami Vice.

Tie a Day, Number 60

2010-01-29T09:33:00.000-08:00

This is a tie with a Porpoise. It is a whale of a tie! The jokes don’t work in text. It is all in the delivery…

Thursday’s tie was picked out by Sammy. He ran into the room just as I was finishing ironing. I tried to tell him that I didn’t know he was coming to help me and I had already picked a tie to go with the shirt that I ironed.

This sent him off the deep end. I was suddenly the worst father ever. As I tried to appease him by saying that he could pick a tie for my next tie wearing day, he angrily stomped out of the room.

I chased him down saying that he could pick a tie for me to wear, but it needed to match the clothes I had prepared for the day. I was picturing a day wearing the lost Christmas tie with large candy canes and little Christmas trees that I had somehow missed wearing during the holiday season. I hoped that I could smooth things over with him and wear a tie that was close to matching.

The anger written on his face was something I hadn’t seen since the time I was 17 and drove the family car way over the lease agreement mileage limit (it is not my fault my parents left the keys with an irresponsible young person when they went out of town for long periods of time). I talked Sam into coming back to “Tie World,” and as his 6 year old anger bubbled over he slapped at the ties as if to say, “All of these ties are crap, and you sir, disgust me!”

Settling on this World Wildlife Fund tie with porpoises and killer whales, he held it up to me like it was his favorite toy that I had crushed with my big, stupid adult shoes. Looking over his shoulder as he left me holding my whale tie, he cut his eyes at me as if to say, “Learn your lesson old man; there better not be a next time.”

Tie a Day, Number 59

2010-01-28T11:27:00.001-08:00

Tuesday's tie was one that I picked out. Sam forgot to help me.

This brown paisley masterpiece is attractive but not overwhelming. The large pattern, with an intricate design using tan, brown and ivory as the main colors, is very nice.

Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by the world. I need to get back to the basics and come down to earth. This tie keeps me firmly rooted to the ground using earthy tones and a natural design. Whether I am trudging through the jungle or attending a dinner party, this tie lets me be comfortable with who I am.

Big Brown and Tan Paisley Vintage Tie, circa 1989, $27.50, J. Peterman Catalog, p. 27

Tie a Day, Number 58

2010-01-27T17:52:00.000-08:00

Monday’s tie was one that Sam picked out for me to wear. I can’t remember wearing it, but because it has so much black in it I feel like I must have worn it at least once. Black has been one of my favorite colors for a long time.

Solid black with peacock feathers outlined in red silk, this is a very nice tie. It probably would have gone much better with a red shirt, but that is not my color.

It is interesting that a friend was telling me that she saw 5 peacocks on the Eastern Shore just the day before. Coincidence? Sam did not know about the possiblity of peacocks being a part of a trip story that I would hear. Odd.

I don’t know if I believe her, but if she believes that I saw a monkey in a tree near Roanoke in November (which I completely lied about just because I thought it was funny), then I will believe her story about peacocks. She said two of them were white. Ghost peacocks?

Tie a Day, Number 57

2010-01-21T09:47:00.001-08:00

Sam ran into my bedroom early Wednesday morning ready to pick out a tie for me to wear. I had to explain to him that I had already ironed the shirt that matched the tie that I picked out for the day. Because I had my stuff ready to go, I suggested that he choose a tie for the next day.

I don’t know exactly what he looks for when selecting ties, but he is very thorough and checks out all of the available ties before deciding. He managed to find the one Christmas tie that I missed during the holiday tie parade in December.

“Oh, Dad! Wear this tie with the candy canes on it. I like this one!”

People without young children do not understand how hard it can be to explain things to them. Sam could not accept that it was not socially acceptable to wear holiday attire once the season has passed.

“I like candy canes. Why can’t you wear this tie?”

I think I did what any parent does when they don’t really have an answer, or don’t have the time to adequately explain the situation, I made up a story, “Well Sam, you see, a long time ago they made a law to prevent people from celebrating holidays after the holiday has passed. This way it keeps holidays special. You wouldn’t want me to go to jail for breaking the law, would you?”

Only slightly disappointed, he picked out two ties for my next two tie wearing days.

The tie that Sam had me wear on Thursday was one of only three solid color ties that I own. This tie is silver silk and highly reflective. Almost mirror like, this tie is perfect for communicating with passing aircraft if you happen to find yourself stranded in the wilderness. This silver beauty could be a valuable and adaptable part of your survival kit (mirror, tourniquet, rope, small lasso), and it can serve double duty as a good looking tie for a night on the town.

The Silver Surfer could wear this tie...

Tie a Day, Number 56

2010-01-20T17:14:00.000-08:00

I love this tie! A shimmering grey tie with plant designs in the raised up silk. My only issue is that the tie is a little on the thin side and it is quite long. There is actually more tie there than I can evenly tie around my neck.

In the big scheme of men’s wear, I don’t take many chances. I think it all goes back to that day in the 4^th grade when I wore my sunset in the woods t-shirt that had the deer grazing on the front… Even though it was the 70’s and people wore ugly clothes and got away with it, the sunset deer t-shirt was mock worthy in elementary school.

Maybe I was scarred for life, but at least Wednesday was a good tie day.

Tie a Day, Number 55

2010-01-20T16:42:00.001-08:00

I often find myself thinking, “Why do I keep so many ties that I have never worn? Surely, I could give them away to someone that has no old, out of style ties of their own.” The tie I wore Tuesday was one I am certain I have never worn before.

It went with my outfit, but it just does not fit into the category of “ties I want to wear.” Perhaps I should broaden my horizons and wear things I don’t normally wear to acclimate myself to new styles, like a space suit or something. I have always wanted to go into space. I could just think of it as astronaut training, except with strange and ugly ties instead of a fully enclosed space suit.

This tie is very earthy, with large brown and green leaves on it. The tie is made of fine silk and the design has the look of painted on water colors. It really complimented my brown belt and shoes that I always wear. I also like the dark green, but all together it is just not something I like.

I think I have decided that half of the ties I own, I don’t really like. I will probably keep them though, maybe it is for selfish reasons, but they are a reminder of my father and I have to keep something from him, don’t I?

I am just not ready to give up the big, leafy, weird looking ties just yet.

Tie a Day, Number 54

2010-01-14T15:54:00.000-08:00

Sam rushed up the stairs this morning to make sure he got to help me pick out my tie. I was barely out of the shower and had to remind him that he already picked out today’s tie yesterday. He was thrilled that he was able to dress Dad for the second day in a row. I may have started a trend with him.

This is the Calvin tie. This tie has a repeated picture of my oldest son Calvin staggered across the front of it. He was two in this picture and I am pretty sure I received this as my back to school gift from Amy in 2000.

Today, Calvin is eleven and almost as big as me. Soon he will be bigger, and I will make him kneel when he talks to me. I am not sure how they figure these things out, but according to the Doctor, Calvin should be 6’ 3” someday. All that height skipping right over me in the family tree…

Amy laughs because she says I falsified a legal document just so I can claim my true height to be more than reality. It is not my fault that the DMV has a flawed licensing system. Here’s some news for you, I don’t weight 160 pounds either! Stick that in your document falsifier…

I can’t help but feel like I have cheated Savannah today. I talked about her brothers, but today is her birthday. My baby girl is eight. She may be too old to be called that by anyone, except me, because no matter what- she will always be my baby girl.

I can call her that because I got to deliver her. It was one of the most special times in my life. In the delivery room, the nurse practitioner asked me if I wanted to deliver her. Amy had an uncomplicated pregnancy, and since things were going smoothly, I was ready and jumped at the chance. And when Savannah was born, I was the first to hold her. I feel like I have had to let her go just a little every day since.

Happy Birthday Savannah.

Tie a Day, Number 53

2010-01-13T15:42:00.000-08:00

Sam, my six year old son, asked me yesterday if he could help me pick out a tie to wear. Of course, I said, “Yes!”

I tried to narrow down his choices from the remaining 80 or so ties I still have not worn, but he was having none of that, he wanted to see all of his choices. I was a little worried because I had already ironed my shirt and I was afraid that he would pick a tie that completely clashed with what I had prepared. Luckily, I remembered the golden rule of men’s wear, as long as you wear solid colors almost any tie will work. This is how I came to place my fate in the hands of a child who wears horizontal and vertical stripes together in the same shirt and pants combination.

I know that what Sam wears he likes, and that is much more important than matching. So I let him pick out his clothes while he can still get away with that approach. Once you get a little older, everyone offers their opinion, but when you are six, people say things like, “Awesome Transformers shirt!” And isn’t that all that really matters?

In the end, he gave me a choice. I could wear the Calvin and Hobbes tie today, or the tie that I have that has a picture of his brother, Calvin on it. Whichever tie I didn’t wear today, I have to wear tomorrow.

This Calvin and Hobbes tie is special to me because my wife Amy gave it to me when I was still teaching Kindergarten, before we were married. I believe it was 1994. We have always loved the Calvin and Hobbes comics and joked that our child would end up to be exactly like the Calvin in the strip. After we found out that Amy was pregnant, we had months of discussions on possible baby names (I wanted to carry on the family name with the 5^th in the Doss male series, and Amy did not) we could only find common ground with one name, Calvin. This is how we named our first son (as a compromise he has my middle name; that is as far as she would go).

Calvin was a much better name than the extreme name that I picked out. I only made it up to force Amy to see what great mistake it would be to pass on my name. The crazy name that I adopted involved clicks, a whistle and a smoochy sound strung together to form a completely unspellable name. The idea was that if I wouldn’t budge on the ridiculous extreme name, then she would have to give up and and the family name would live on.

Amy is too smart for me and knew I would fold; and I am glad. But it still makes me laugh to think of a teacher on nthe first day of school trying to call roll and reaching a unspellable name...

"Would 2 clicks, a whistle and smoochy sound Doss please raise his hand?"

Tie a Day, Number 52

2010-01-12T16:10:00.000-08:00

It was a welcomed relief to wear cheap silk today with the memory of a woolen noose still scratching through my brain. I was alarmed this morning when I brushed up against another wool beast in my closet while I searched my collection for the right tie to wear. It will be a long time before I wear the next wool monstrosity - maybe never.

This tie has the perfect colors to go with my shirt and pants. The design is tolerable and looked good with the whole outfit.

Tuesday was not a bad tie day.

Tie a Day, Number 51

2010-01-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

Tie number 51 was a dreadful experience and it all comes down to one word, texture. As far as the design goes the tie was ok, with the exception of the thinness (which seems to mark it as a late eighties tie). The problem was that this particular tie was made of 100% wool.

Wool is fine for sweaters, only because I never wear them. Any other piece of clothing that has wool in it is also probably going to be something that I avoid wearing including, but not limited to, pants, jackets, and hats. I prefer the feel of a t-shirt that has been so well worn that it almost feels like you are wearing a layer of warm air (possibly due to the fact that it might have a large number of holes). Cotton, silk and even polyester are fabrics that I consider infinitely more comfortable. Wool is similar to wearing a really fine kind of Brillo pad.

It could be that I dislike wool because my skin is so sensitive, like a baby’s bottom, but I prefer to make up a story about a close encounter with a herd of angry sheep, with nothing but trouble on their minds, that permanently scarred me at a young age. Maybe I will share it after I finish all the plot twists.

I did not like touching this tie at all. Tying it around my neck was similar to the sensation of nails on a chalkboard. The rough material of the tie scraping around the outside of my collar was enough to give me the willies. I did a quick tie of the tie and when I realized the front was too long, I decided to suffer through the clown like length in a touch avoidance maneuver that I practiced the rest of the day.

To say that I hate this tie is not really fair. I like it- I just like best far away from me. If you are interested in a vintage tie made from the finest wool- please leave a comment and I will be glad to mail it to you- I will even cover the postage! I do want it to have a good home...

50 ties!

2010-01-08T16:17:00.000-08:00

Like a muscular boa constrictor applying its death grip, my manly mane of male neckwear is proudly displayed on my den floor.

Fifty ties all at once! The weight of over 4 pounds of silk, polyester and cotton, even when tied loosely about the neck, gave me the feeling of being slowly suffocated.

I had to do something special, something different, to celebrate reaching the 50 tie mark. Using my limited imagination, the only thing I could think of was to wear all 50 ties at once. If nothing else, it made for an interesting, but ridiculous picture.

I do not recommend that anyone put on 50 ties, and that is not just because I submitted this picture as a new world record on the Universal Record Database (the last record I submitted was for a group, this is my first attempt at a personal record on the URDB site). I was very uncomfortable during this picture. Just getting situated on the floor for the picture above, I got a major abdominal cramp and my gluteus maximus locked up as well. All I could do was lay on the floor and whine while my family laughed.

I do not think I will try to break my own record. If you are interested, I will even help break the record and tie neckties on you until you collapse. Drop me a line, and we will work out all the details…

Tie a Day, Number 50

2010-01-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

The 50th tie of the year came and went without a lot of hoopla. I felt like I needed to pick a tie based on its complete ordinariness. Everyone and everything deserves its point in time that people can point to and say, "Hey, that thing there is special."

I think this feeling comes from a misplaced sense of anthropomorphism, and is not shared by everyone. Today, people put a lot of effort into blaming their parents for the way they turned out. That somehow the problems they have are the result of other human beings actions. I would like to turn that around and give credit to my parents for my ability to humanize inanimate objects.

I can probably trace these feelings back to my first teddy bear. I don’t want to bore anyone with a Velveteen Rabbit type of story, but I must confess that I still have my teddy bear and he sits in my closet today.

Some may consider this to be a weakness, but I don’t think so. Caring about something or someone helps to make the world a better place in some small way.

So this completely unremarkable tie is what I chose to wear yesterday. It is not even able to pass as urban camouflage. I noticed that no matter how many pictures were taken of this tie, it was difficult to focus on it (perhaps it is interdimensional, existing in many realities at once). This tie was somehow able successfully survive from the late eighties to today, escaping the great Doss tie purge of the 90’s, to arrive at this point in time as Al’s 50th tie of the year. And for that, I salute you!

Tie a Day, Number 49

2010-01-05T17:43:00.000-08:00

Trying to fit back into the serious world and put stupid luck behind me, today I chose an interesting tie that I have always liked. I like the colors in this tie; purple, tan and navy, and the silk has an opalescent quality to it. The tie shimmers in the light as it moves.

The design is kind of odd though, sort of like a collection of artichokes, in purple and tan, laid out across the tie at various angles. This plant tie is one of my favorites. Strange since I have already claimed to not like plant themed ties… it must be the colors.

I combined the tie with a shirt that I would never have used in the before the tie a day craziness (or as I now refer to it as BTDC. I try to use this acronym in normal conversation because educators love their acronyms and they always pretend to know what one is when you use it. It makes me laugh!). The shirt is sort of a plaid flannel thing. The combination of textures is different for me.

I must admit that the juxtaposition of clothing that I am putting together is very eye opening to me. I am generally a safe, plain dresser who doesn’t put a lot of thought into what I wear, but I think this is a normal progression for a man of my age and place in life (broke with kids to raise). I don’t know that I look any better (how can I with clothes from 20 to 30 years ago?), and I don’t really care, but I look at my closetful of vintage wear in a new way.

It is almost as good as having up to date clothes!